Why are objects in your mirror closer than they appear? Because they are closer than they appear.

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what happened to the man who is standing in the rain? he got wet

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What do you call a clock that neither ticks nor tocks? A broken clock

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he was hit by a bus.

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What do you call a homeless man in Beverly Hills? Charles, Someone who unfortunately had to drop out of school at a young age to work to support his dying mother. Hence, later in life, after his mother died, lacked the education to be enrolled in college forcing him to pimp to make enough money to eat and pay for the rent in his one bedroom appartment in his hometown-Mississippi. But times were tough in Mississippi and not many people could afford a whore. This forces him to go all the way to California where he found more people there were willing to pay for a whore. Business was good and soon enough he had enough money for a decent condo. But Charles still morned the death of his mother. Eventually he couldn't take the daily pressure of being a pimp and thought of his mothers death, so he turned to heroin. Soon all his money was fueling his addiction and before he knew it he was on the street, with no one to help him and no where's to go. Every night he goes to sleep on his cardboard box with the memory of his late mother in the back of his head. Sometimes Charles wonders what he could of been if he didn't drop out of school, but he knows that what he did was the right thing.

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What's the most famous anti-joke? This one.

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knock knock! whos there? me! me who? thats right! whats right? meehoo! thats what i want to know! whats what you want to know? me who? yes, exactly! exactly what? yes, i have an exactlywatt on a chain! exactly what on a chain? yes! yes what? no, exactlywatt! thats what i want to know! i told you--exactlywatt! exactly what? yes! yes what? yes, its with me! whats with you? exactlywatt--thats whats with me! me who? yes! Go away! knock knock.....

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Lewis

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Q: Whats the difference between me and a ghost? A: Ghosts arnt dolphins!

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A murderer walks into a bar with a knife. He then stabs seven people and is then arrested shortly after.

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What came in like a wrecking ball? A wrecking ball.

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Grandma used to say "you only die once." Years later, I learned the wisdom behind those words.

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhymming you have nice boobs

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What is yellow and bright? The sun.

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A black man walked into a bar. He cashed in big on workers comp.

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Why did the squirrel fall out of a tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of a tree? It was cruelly stapled to the first one.

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what did steven hawking say to the prostitute? Nothing, he is unable to speak, he needs help from his word speaker thing.

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What did the autistic man say to the woman? I have autism

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have cancer, How 'bout you?

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What do you get when you cross a rock and a paper bag? A rock inside of a paper bag.

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Why couldn't the bunny hop? Because it lost both it's legs

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Attack her with a sanding machine.

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what's the easiest way to tell time? a clock

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My dad died on Mothers Day, my mother was happy. Actually Iied, we were all sad.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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