A bear woke up from his annual hibernation to find that his stomach is growling. "I sure am hungry." the sleepy bear said. So he found some berries, but spit them out. "These berries are far too bitter." the playful bear said. He then found some honey, however was soon bombarded with a swarm of bees. "That honey is good, but not that good." the jolly bear said. He then stumbled upon a cabin. "I wonder if there is any food in here..." the curteous bear wondered. The events that followed are now reffered to by the locals as the May 20th Massacre. While no witnesses survived, the police reports depict that the Martinez family, a young family of 7 enjoying their memorial day weekend in their New Hampshire cabin, was brutally slain by a blood-thirsty animal who tracked each of them throughout the house in a period of approximately 45 minutes.

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When the mom got home from work, she was very tired. Her 6 year old son asked her nicely to make him a PB&J sandwich. She said sure and made one. Her son was very pleased and ate all of it. He knew he had a great mom. I actually lied above. The mom was killed by three men in hoodies in her back yard. They came inside and also murdered to boy. Worst of all the killers stole all of her food including the rasberries the boy was looking forward to eat. I guess it doesn't matter now since he is unable to eat anymore...

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Knock Knock!! Who's there? The Bailiffs, now get out.

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Why is it easy to steal candy from a baby? Because the baby is smaller, weaker and would not pose any threat.

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Roses are red Violets are blue My head itches I'm going to get this guy to itch it for me

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What did the Golden Retriever say when asked about the meaning of life? woof.

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Man: Am i going to be alright? Doctor: No, you're going to die.

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a turtle walks into a bar and eats everyone

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"Mommy! Look, I found a turtle!" "that's no turtle." "Oh..."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, that's why I'm asking you.

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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? What you probably have is a lawyer on holiday with his children, allowing himself or herself to be buried in order to please said children.

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Thanks I guess, I do look a lot like that anime, except my eyes are not giant and I got lips and you know about everything else is different, besides I wear blue or brown contact lenses Ohh, and in case you had not already noticed, I dye my hair brown, believe me, there is enough red in me to go around already... Nero huh? Angelo Nero? So what kind of sick parents did you really have, or do you have? This is weird, you suddenly got even more interesting Nero.

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What's worst than a worm in your apple? Finding your mom in a porno.

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how do you know if a fish is gay? you ask it

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What do you call two grown Mexican men playing tennis? Two adults showcasing their talent in a friendly game of tennis.

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why did Susie fall of the swing? she had no arms Knock Knock Who`s there? not Susie

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Why cant Sally ride her bike? Because she has ceribal pausly

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a cow walked into a bar and asked for a large whiskey on the rocks, 'long day, eh' said the barman, 'yes' replied the cow, 'first a large moving obstical was cutting down my food, and then my friend was raped from his milk.'

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An armadillo walks into a bar, and shouts "I hear you don't serve armadillos." "That is correct," the bartender replies.

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If Waldo and Carmen Sandiego had a child it would be fictional.

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Haikus are easy Im happy when I write them Thats pretty much it

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What do you call a fridge? A Fridge

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why did stuart buy an ipad from the mall. because he wanted an ipad

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Have I ever told you that you looked beautiful? No. Ok, good.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops