Q: What did the schizophrenic man say to his father? A: "Every time grandmother's urn shrieks, this pornography turns to black ink."

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What did the dog say to the Jewish Rabbi? Bark

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust

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what do you call a cross between lasagna and a human. weird

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A guy walked into a bar, ouch.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English.It is confused by it's surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive Umm, She's dead

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Put chromosomes in advertising. Because you know, Sex Cells

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How many bears does it take to screw in a light bulb? None; it’s a fairly menial task requiring little more than a single human hand. Requisitioning any number of bears for the effort would be an extremely dangerous “Rube Goldberg”-esque solution to simple problem.

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A 21 year old man walks into a bar. After looking at the menu for a minute he orders the cocktail of the day. The bartender looks at the man in disbelief because he has such a baby face and looks like a teenage kid. The bartender politely asks to see his ID. The man pulls out his wallet and shows him his drivers license. Sure enough he was the legal age of drinking. The bartender says "Thank you" and gives him his beverage.

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After pursuing a speeding vehicle for 10km at speeds ranging from 120 - 160km/h, the police officer managed to stop the driver. The driver of the vehicle rolled down the window and asked, "What seems to be the problem officer?" to which the police officer replied, "It sounds like one of your cylinders is firing incorrectly, you have a fairly large amount of carbon build-up on and around your exhaust pipe."

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Why do alcoholics use brown bags? Because they are ashamed of what they have become and seek to repress their guilt by entering into denial.

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If you watch the titanic backwards, its really about a magical ship which saves peoples lives!

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What do you call a lesbian with a penis? Justin Bieber.

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What did the lady say to the boy who's parents just died? Haha, your parents just died.

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What is you problem!? Im retarded, what is your problem?

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was hit by a fridge. Why did Sally fall off her bike? She was hit by a falling monkey and fridge.

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make me a sandwich! what kind?

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Why did the old man fall down the stairs? Because he wanted to impress his wife.

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why did the depressed man jump off the bridge? He likes bungie jumping, and wanted to cheer himself up by doing one of his favorite hobbies

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Did you here about the Asian couple who had a stupid baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong

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whats worse than killing someone? finding out your mom is your dad

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What do u do when u hear about a smart Blonde. Cant think of anything? Exactly

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What is square and grey? A grey square.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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