roses are red so is ur face dont look at me like im a crazy bitch

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Mel Gibson is awoken by the ringing of his telephone. He proceeds to have a nice conversation with his wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A hobo said to another hobo "Im homeless"

thumb_up thumb_down -10

*The doctor walks in* Knock knock. Whos there? Doctor. Doctor Who?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the black guy go to jail? Because he committed an illegal crime.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

woman's rights

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A.Because that's where it wanted to go.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

you dint have to be a jew matt

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A cat walks into a bar and says.......Meow

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you get when you cross a squirrel and a horse? Each animal has a different number of genetic faults therefore such a process would be impossible.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Whats worse than getting a papercut on the side of your finger? Being shotgunned in the ass

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How do you get 2x1=4? Do the wrong math.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A horse walks in to a bar. The bartender asks: "why the long face?" The horse didn't respond, because it's a horse.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Whats black, blue, and red all over? A man who has just been severally beaten.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

There's a tray of muffins in the oven. One muffin says, "man it's hot in here!" Another muffin says, "holy shit! A talking muffin!"

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can A hundred dead babies in a trash can Whats worse than a hundred dead babies in a trash can A live one at the bottom Whats worse than that It eats it way out Whats worse than that It brings friends

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Brian knew how to save the world from the death penalty: "Let's kill everybody who is not against it." So I killed Brian and waste my time in death row now.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the old man miss the Alzheimer's Day walk? Because he died in his sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

hi hey i hate you why you ate my mother she tasted good i like fried chicken ITS A SMALL WORLD! SO DO I well lets go to the beach ok

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the prostitute say to the pimp? Can I have $50? She was found three minutes later beaten to death with a purple cane, and had many imprssions of rings in her skull

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A woman who lived alone with her parrot left her apartment to run to the store, forgetting that a plumber was scheduled to come and fix her sink. A few minutes later, the plumber arrived and knocked on the door. The parrot inside called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, "it's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waited for a bit and, seeing that nobody was coming to the door, knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, a little more loudly, "it's the plumber! I've come to fix the sink!" Again the plumber waited. After a few more minutes, he knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber yelled, as loudly as he could, "IT'S THE PLUMBER! I'VE COME TO FIX THE SINK!" Still, nobody came to the door. The plumber banged the door repeatedly, The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screamed "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIIINK!!!" and then, consumed with rage, clutched his chest and fell over dead from a stress-induced heart attack. A few minutes later, the woman returned home and, while opening her door, noticed the plumber lying dead in her hallway. She looked at her parrot and asked, "Who is it?" The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?"

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's an obscure number you've probably never heard of.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Roses are red, violets are blue No they're not, violets are violet

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops