What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? "I'm going to kill everyone you've ever loved you fucking cocksucker, you think you can get away with sleeping with my wife? You better think again kiddo I will take away everything from you until you are reduced to a smoldering ruin of what you once was, mark my words bitch."

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Simon says, "I'll give you a five second head start before I mow you down with my AK47."

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What does little Tommy and a tomato have in common? They are both vegetables. Oh wait, a tomato is a fruit.

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What did the blind and deaf kid get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Knock, Knock! Who's there? Hatch! Hatchoo! Bless you!

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A man walks into a bar holding a magic lamp. The bartender asks "what are you holding?" The man says "It's a magic lamp." The bartender looks at the man and scratches his head. It turns out the bartender has had a problem with lice in his hair. If you believe in a magic genie is going to grant any wishes you're reading the wrong story. Anyways, the bartender buys medicated shampoo and no longer has head lice. The guy with the magic lamp was totally worthless.

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A duck walks into a bar. The duck walks over to the bartender and orders a beer. "put it on my bill." he says. The bartender angrily grabs the duck and kicks him out of the bar, because the duck has done this many times, but has never once paid his bill to the bar. The duck is an alcoholic and is slowly ruining his relationship with his family.

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Q. What happened to the kid with 1 arm and 1 leg and 1 arm and 1 leg A. He had a seisure, then got hit by a bus

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i was quite upset when my girlfriend called me a peodifile, what does she know, shes only 6.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple ? Finding an apple in your worm !!! ... Wait, what ?

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#If you go down in the woods today, your sure of a big surprise #If you go down in the woods today, you better go in disguise. # I don't know why, I started typing this out and realized I couldn't actually come up with a suitable concluding line.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Mike Mike who? Just kidding, it's Danny. Oh okay, come in.

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Why can't you look at the sun? Because it's 2.00 AM

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What goes 100 miles per hour and screams? A baby attached to a ceiling fan.

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What did the T-REX say to the Yettie? This is a highly improbable situation, therefore there is no need for an answer.

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How would a camel lick its own tongue It doesn't It actually gets karate chopped by Bob Sager.

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people magazine

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Why do people hate Jews? Because there is nothing to like about them

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Why did the Asian boy drop his milk? Because he had a stroke.

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Q. Why did the car break dance? A. I dont know!

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What looks like a duck, smells like a duck and feels like a duck? A duck.

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What's the same about a clown and a knife? They are both fun, except for the clown. I hate clowns.

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What's purple, green, and orange? Dead baby with slashed floaties. What's black, purple, and orange? Same baby two weeks later.

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Teacher- What comes after 69 Boy- Mouthwash?? Teacher- LEAVE!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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