Two eggs are in a frying pan. One egg says to the other, "Gee, it's getting hot in here!" The other one says, "Shit, a talking egg!!"

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What did the doctor say to the recently diagnosed AIDS patient? I'm sorry there is nothing we can do.

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1)Where do you find a turtle with no legs? 2)Where? 1)Where you left it. 1)... Knock Knock... 2)Who's there? 1)...Not the turtle...

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What is the similarity between fake rings and your mother? They change colors in the shower

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What did the munchy alzhemiers farmer say about his missing tractor? Where's my tators?

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? Depends. Are you applying a lot of pressure and licking in short, round bursts, or are you softly suckling on the treat? Your mouth's pH level is also a determining factor, as the sucker digests at a quicker rate the higher the acid content. To put it simply, there is no correct answer, because the sheer quantity of variables makes it a tootsie-less endeavor. See how I said tootsie-less rather than fruitless? Now that's a real joke.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well I'll tell you. He was happily gliding down the sidewalk when he realized that his destination was across the road. He then proceeds to take In his surroundings . He finds that there is no indication telling him to stop so he then cautiously walks across the road watching for any dangerous movement. He safely makes it across and proceeds to his destination which is the slaughtering house. He is a retarded chicken

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Or something... Volume one. What do you do if you are in the jungle and get confronted by one jaguar to your left, and one tiger at the right and got only one bullet left in your gun? You shoot the Jaguar and drive home in the tiger.

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Where's the best place to gather black people to roleplay as prison victims for a documentary? Prison or the Graveyard.

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A Homosexual, a platypus, and a rubber spoon walk into a bar...

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How does Michael J. Fox mix his paint? He uses the paint mixing stick that is provided, for free, by most reputable hardware stores.

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How do you make a tissue dance? You really can't, but you could grab it and shake it around so it looks like its dancing.

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Q: Why did the kid drop his icecream cone? A: Because he couldn't hold it he lost his arms in a car accident.

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what do you call a black man that sells drugs

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once upon a time jess was happy this once upon a time was a very long time ago, BABADOOK !

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Lindsay Lohan

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when life gives you lemons throw them away.. they are probably bad

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A black man accidentally walks into a white man. They apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

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What do you call a man with no legs and no arms on your doorstep? Matt

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what do you call a woman with cancer wearing a wedding dress? a shouttellcock

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-Is this the Krusty Krab? -Yes, how can I help you?

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An atheist and a priest agree to a public debate. The priest doesn't make much of an attempt to argue because there is a young boy in his podium giving him a handjob.

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How do u kill somebody You throw a fridge at him

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Whats worse than having a parking cone rammed up your ass? Realizing that a big orange cone is up your ass.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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