Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken. How do you get a baby to run faster? Chase it with the lawn mower. What do you get when you cut a baby with a straight razor? An erection. What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender? Hold on. I'll tell you in a second. What's pink and spits? A baby in a frying pan. -S

thumb_up thumb_down -8

So a man walks into a bar carrying a giant clock. One of his friends asks, "Hey, whats up with the clock?" His friend then responds, "A goddamned genie gave it to me, i can't take it anymore. Here take his lamp." The man decided to rub the lamp and thinks to himself, "Gee, I'm gonna wish for 1 million dollars." The genie comes out and asks the man, "What wish could i grant you today?" The man says, "I wish i could have 1 million dollars!!" The genie replies, "As you please." All of a sudden, a studded dog collar appears. Then another, and another. Soon there were 1 million dog collars in the bar. The man yells, "WHAT IS THIS?!?! I DIDNT WISH FOR 1 MILLION COLLARS!!!" His friend then replies, "I didn't wish for a giant clock either...."

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Your mama is so fat. Just look at her.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY KEVIN CRUMMY

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Knock-Knock Who's there? A giant spider-like insect that lays eggs in your brain which turn into larvae that drop down onto your tongue and eat your teeth slowly, then form a cocoon and turn into the spider-like insect spoken of previously. You then wake up from this terrible nightmare and get ready for your well paying job.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Steven Hawking walks into a bar. Steven Hawking is disabled from the neck down. I lied.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did the black man say to the jew and the blonde girl as they walked to the car. Shotgun.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

how many dead babies can fit in a microwave? 3 1/2

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What's worse than breaking your arm? Not having any arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

When faced with an impossible question. I like to give, and maybe receive, an impossible, yet endearing, request/answer to the problem. Sex?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Your moma's so fat, she has a considerable list of medical health problems, and she is very miserable.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you get when you mix Lil Wayne and Lil John? A full size John Wayne

thumb_up thumb_down -8

why did Rebecca black get down on Fridays? because she had school every other day of the week.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Knock knock? Who's there? Llama. Llama who? Llamas aren't racist unlike that bastard Ann Coulter. That's why they can get a carrot up the ass and she can't.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumbty took a great fall Because he was terribly intoxicated And failed to probably balance himself.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He removes the piece of lingerie from his face and continues shopping for clothes.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you give a man who has everything? Syphilis

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you call a 3 legged dog on a red unicycle? An unlikely set of circumstances.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Two girls were taken away mysteriously in the night. The next day, no one cared because they were orphans.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you call a black man at school the janitor

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do astronauts and Wayne Rooney have in common? I don't know. Ok.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Your mother is overweight. This is largely due to her sedentary lifestyle.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

So a horse walks into a bar.. and breaks both its front legs. The owner has to shoot it because it can't race anymore

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How do you make a kid with ADHD stay still? Shoot him in the knee cap

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops