A carpenter walks into a bar. After ordering some wine he tells the bartender that one of his 12 friends will betray him. He also says that once he was captured, the government will execute him on a wooden cross for everyone to see. The bartender in disbelief says to the man "You gotta be kiddin' me, do you think you're Jesus or something?" The man throws his glass of wine to the floor, grabs the bartender by his collar, and says "Hey man, I ordered red wine, not white wine you bastard!" After a few minutes, a group of nurses escort the insane loon back to the mental clinic. The bartender never saw the man again and proceeds to sweep that mess the psycho left on the floor.

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How did poor Miss Suzy get her poor little baby to stop crying? She cut off its head, burned its body, and sacrificed its ashes in a bizarre Satanic ritual that involved having sex with a heifer. (Miss Suzy was a Satanist priestess.)

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What did the snowman say when winter was ending? -Nothing you dumbass

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How did the man eat 100 mints in one bite? I'm not sure myself, but we can agree on one thing, his breath is gonna fresh.

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"Knock Knock" "Who's There" "The Police" "The Police Who" "Ma'am your son just died in a car accident"

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When Chuck Norris moved into a new house he decide to renovate because he didn't like the staircase.

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Whats black on top and white on bottom? R a p e.

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Knock knock, Who's there? Banana Banana who? Banana Smith, I'm here for the Smith Family Reunion.

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Hey! What dhujv hushichk jgdwrggy man? Go home Sally, you're drunk

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What do you call a black priest? Holy s***

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Knock Knock, Who's there? Banana. Banana who? The Holocaust.

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If an aeroplane falls from 15,000 feet in the air and crashes into and orphanage is it possible that no-one will get hurt? No,the aeroplane will destroy the orphange hurting the property value.

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Fathers Day at Tyrone's house.

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A lepord can carry two times its weight into a tree, i dont have a joke for this yet but youll leave here learning something.

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What's the difference between a porsche and a pile of dead babies. I'd rather had the porsche in my garage

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What is Black, White and Asian? A Panda Bear

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old man: hi old woman: i have alshemiers old man: hi old woman: i have alshemiers

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What did the man say to the woman before he had sex with her? "May I have sex with you, please?"

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Q:Did you know Helen Keller had a tree house? A: Neither did she

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What do you call a dog with no legs Nothing it won't come

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What did the flower say to it's friends? I want to kill a Christmas tree.

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Why was Timmy crying when he got home? His family was dead in a pile with a pitchfork going through each of their bodies

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A man is hungry so he gets on his coat and shouts : "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!". His wife says not to because the police say the rapist 'Eggman' is out again. He says he will be very careful. On his way he hears 'They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggmen-" and the man shouts: "AND I AM THE WAlRUS, SO GET THE HECK OUTTA MY FACE OR I WILL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" The Eggman and the man found two more people from Liverpool and formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band broke up.

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why did the cow say "moo"? because he's a cow and that's what cows say.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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