Why are fish so easy to weigh? Because usually they've been killed, stunned or sedated first.

How do you stop the neighbors from calling the police when you play your music too loud? Kill them and use their bodies as noise insulation

How do you wake up lady Gaga? You poke her face

Reading the Terms and Conditions

A black guy and a hispanic guy walk into a bar they sit down and happily have a drink CHEESE ON TOAST

What did the pear tree say to the farmer? Go harvest that corn over yonder.

Knock-Knock Who's there? We are, now open the door! Wait im masturbating!!

A student asks a teacher: Sir, how much time would it take for me to do this quiz. Teacher says: From the second I give you this test to the second you hand it back to me.

A car walked into a bar... wait no it didn't it has wheels.

I was watching Fox news.

Q: What was the name of the armless elf in Snow White? A: Stumpy

A Mexican man walks into a bar, the bartender asks "haven't you got a damaged liver?" The Mexican replies "haven't you got a job to do?" The Mexican died 2 seconds later

A little boy who was sleeping in his parent's bed woke up in the middle of the night only to discover his mother performing fellatio on his father. "Mommy, mommy," he said . . . except he didn't. He said nothing, and the incident troubled him deeply for many years.

Yo mama so old, she must take arthritus medicine to keep out of extreme pain.

TIMMY

sdjhkferiughefljbdfnjkbhdfghlwu24537? 928ndfnfwdjfhoinbv;nop[

What did Chuck Norris say to the puppy? Aww what a cute dog.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy? Gangrape

Q: why wasn't the fan spinning? A: because it wasn't on. Duh....

Doctor Doctor! I think i'm epileptic! I'm not the Doctor, I'm the receptionist. You're a hypochondriac, now wait in the Que, like everybody else Mrs. Davis.

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A jew is a person of the jewish faith and a pizza is delicious food.

Why did the Mexican jump the border? Because his mom told him the grass was always greener on the other side... She lied.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I got a baseball bat can i talk to you ?

Donald trump walks into the whitehouse. He's there for a business meeting with the new president.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...