How do you choke a lawyer? You squeeze his neck until he stops breathing.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What do you call a skeleton in a closet? The hide-and-seek champion.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did Woody say to Buzz? A lot. There were three movies.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the black man shoot the white guy? the white man was about to hurt the black mans family.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

knock knock who's there? Dave Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A black man and a white man were both pulled over for street racing. They both were also found to be drunk driving. Only the black man was arrested. It turns out the black man had just massacred an entire Amish village before going street racing to celebrate.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

a black man and a white man walk into a job interview. neither of them get the job due to lack of skill in the field.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did the sad orphan with liver cancer get for Christmas? Pictures of dead babies to put things in perspective.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What happens to a black man when he jumps into a pool of clorox? He turns white!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas? He's his dad. He bought the presents.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Roses are red, violets are blue shut the hell up, and sit the hell down

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What is 5 brittish guys who can't sing and horrible music make .... one direction

thumb_up thumb_down +15

roses are red violets are blue maskrosor are gula

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the black man buy ten packets of Kool-Aid at the supermarket? Because it is a refreshing beverage that many individuals enjoy drinking.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Osama Bin Laden

thumb_up thumb_down +15

An Asian man walked to P.F. Changs, and asked where the bathroom is.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what do you call a black man who beats his wife, doesnt have a job and has a ton of kids? whatever his name is.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man walks into a bar,gets a drink, and then leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

knock knock whos there? your neighbor, dude im sorry but i swear i didnt see your kid on my drive way.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did Hitler say to his empire, A lot of stuff that I am to lazy to look up, all i know that the holocaust was bad and we shouldn't repeat it.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Banana Hamock.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What is a slave fighting in a pit of Rome? Just a slave. Who cares?

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops