what do a heater and a dead baby have in common? a dead baby is only warm for a small period of time

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what do you call mexicans in a circle around a house? a spicket fence

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Knock Knock! EXPLOSION!!!!

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why did the guitar player cross the road? to play his gig

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What did the chocolate milk say? Yoo-hoo.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Find a half-worm.

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A guy asks his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - a Lamborghini Countach - she loves this car and she goes everywhere in it. One day, she picks up her kids from school. She's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor, "Where is my son? He was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham." The doctor replies, "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he won't be able to kick a football any more." The woman asks about her daughter. "Doctor, where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at Wimbledon." The doctor says, "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and she won't be able to pick up a racket any more." She begins to cry. "Doctor," asks the woman, "how long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, "Six months." "So what's the date?" asks the woman. "April 1st," says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then, were you?" Doctor: "YES... they had minor breaks and cuts but both have made full recoveries. I'll get them and your fiancé down here straight away." The woman is relieved and is discharged three days later to continue recuperating at home, while the doctor is sent to a tribunal for tricking her into believing her children had been maimed and eventually accepts early retirement with a generous severance package.

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Q: Whats the difference between me and a ghost? A: Ghosts arnt dolphins!

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what did the child say to his mother? daddy raped me!

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Q. What's the best thing to do before you get in a car accident? A. There's actually not much you can do in a car accident, considering you probably will never expect it, and it happens relatively too fast to react.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was strapped to the first monkey.

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Got in a Taxi and the driver said "You'll never guess who i had in the back of my cab the other day". I said "It's probably pointless me trying to guess then ".

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Q: What would happen if you threw a red brick into the black sea? A: It would get wet.

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What's 8 inches long and makes my girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage

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What starts with P and ends with "oop" POOP

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms Why didn't Sally get back up? She had no legs Guess who's getting prosthetic legs for Christmas! Not Sally.

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The Charlotte Bobcats winning more than 10 games

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Im about to rewrite History....... History

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I think poop is tasty... just kidding.

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Your momma is so dumb, she failed the IQ test.

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Q: What's green, red, and covered in cookie crumbs? A: A dead girl scout.

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What's the same between grapes and squirrels? They're both purple, except for the squirrel.

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Why do black people play basketball? Because they can join their friends in playing an extremely fun and calorie-burning sport.

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I woke up in bed with someone this morning. I forget why this is a joke, but your mother is a whore.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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