A man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doc, I blacked out last night and have a sore ass." The doctor took some x-rays and informed him he had colon cancer.

A man goes to his doctor and says, "Help me, my wife thinks she's a chicken." The doctor recommends a nearby psychiatrist to analyze the wife's mental instability, and inevitably she is housed in an insane asylum. The husband commits suicide.

Doctor Doctor i've got wind can you give me something? Thats not wind the doctor replies thats a rare form of stomach cancer.

What word rhymes with orange? -Adult onset diabetes

What's worse than getting hit by a bus? Getting hit by two buses.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Incorrect. Violets are violet. DERP!

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the monkey.

Row, row, row your... Canoe.

What worse that punching a baby? Stabing one.

What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette? The pigmentation of their hair follicles.

Patient: "So what seems to be the problem doc? Doctor: "I'm afraid you have AIDS. I'm sorry."

If you give a mouse a cookie... ...you're destroying its natural diet. It might die.

What is the only day of the year when you're guaranteed to find me? The day I kill you.

Whats smells like a banana and is purple? A banana, I lied about the purple thing.

what do you call and man that has a twitch every time someone say tissue broken arm, leg, hand, collar bone and there iphone? A mentally and physically demented man that needs serious help from a psychotherapist otherwise matter would get increasingly worse

What did Goldilocks ask the Three Bears? Nothing, bears are aggressive mammals and killed her before she could speak.

What does a man that has to go to the bathroom do when there is no restroom within a reasonable walking radius? He gets in his car and drives to the nearest rest stop.

Where did the guy who shot his neighbor go? Jail, because he was caught, sent to court, and was convicted of murder.

What did the chicken say to the black guy? Nothing, humans and chickens can not communicate.

what did a ginger say to god? nothing gingers dont have souls and therefore cant go to heaven

Q: What did the schizophrenic man say to his father? A: "Every time grandmother's urn shrieks, this pornography turns to black ink."

saftey torch you can out it on the porch. saftey torch put it in the hallway. saftey torch scare the monsters away. saftey torch that'll be 50 bucks.

i'll leave 'em dead in the living room. get it leave 'em dead in the living room

Q: what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean? A: A very unfortunate individual.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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