What's the difference between a leopard and a coffee table? There is no difference. They both have four legs.

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What was the pirate movie rated? PG-13

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs, who got cancer for Christmas, get for his Birthday? Nothing, he didn't live that long.

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Bible Fact0idz: "Something Drink my blood and consume my flesh and live forever something" Jesus- dead age 30something alcoholism liver problems and diabeetus at time of death, crucified and not been seen since, return pending? Classified Alcoholic. Moral: "YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

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Whats brown and can't ride a bike? A lampshade.

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Knock Knock, Get the f*ck off my porch

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what has wheels and drives? a boat i lied about the wheels

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Q.what is worse than finding a worm in your apple? A.finding two worms.

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What's red and green and goes 100mph? A frog in a vehicle on the Autobahn.

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Keanu Reaves

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Yo mama has had so many kidney stones she has to be on a water diet.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? So he could walk into the mall and kill hundreds of innocent lives and leave thousands wounded.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house Knock knock Who's there? The chicken

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what is this joke about? - i don't know i am still writing the j

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What did Stephen Hawking say after he scaled Mount Everest? Yay!

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What do you call it when you almost win? You lose.

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what do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch names

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What's the difference between a black guy and an asian. They come from different race groups.

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What happened when the zombie walked into the blonde lady convention? He went home hungry.

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Why can't a dinosaur clap its hands? Dinosaurs are extinct.

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What did one wall say to the other? Nothing. Walls can't talk.

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Why didn't the man win the lottery? Because his lottery numbers weren't drawn.

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Q. How many babies does it take to paint a room? A. Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Need therapy? No you do not, just follow these steps. When someone feels suicidal, I ask them, so what would you do and feel when you are dead? People: First I think ill just chill like this, and then everything would be empty and no more noise like this here "holds hands over ears", and it would all just be black and nice afterwards.... Me: Stay in that state for a while. Human: Gee I am starting to feel better... Me: GEE YOU SUCK KILL YOURSELF NOW! 2. How to CURE PERMANENTLY (not treat over 30 years with no effect) someone that cant say no... First I let my victim enter the room, then I shut the door and shout "SAY NO TO ME YOU FUCKlNG WH000RE!" Victim: NOOOOOOO I CANT! Cured, stop wasting my fucking time NEXT 3. SUUUUUUUURE! Me: So you feel uncertain? Patient: Uh yeah... Me: Are you certain about that? Patient: You are just certain about you being certain which is not possible because you are uncertain NOW DIE! PROTIP: Death is the cure to all disease... NOOOOOOOT! (Postmortem disease no?) 4. I forgot this example. Anyway, I say something smart, you give me thumbs down because you are jelly, and then I eat you and I had some jelly.... I master nonsense, I am the jack of no trades and master of all.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops