Why couldn't Billy drive? He had no arms. Why did he have no arms? Thalidomide.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He removes the piece of lingerie from his face and continues shopping for clothes.

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Two friends that are 11 years old are fighting with each other, and one of them says, " Shut the front door." The other friend replies, "We don't even have a front door, because we're both homeless, and we're never going to be adopted because we're on an island, that's how we became friends in the first place."

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"You go, Glen Coco" -Mean Girls, 2004

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;iub

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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One day in school two kids had a conversation. Susan: What do you want to do when your older? Oliver: I want to go to the moon. Susan: Oh. I went there last week. Oliver: Can you smell something. Susan: Haven't you ever been to Pennsylvania.

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Knock knock Who's there? Tom Tom who? Tom Rodgers I don't know you Tom decides to leave the house because the person in the house does not recognize him

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What do you call a person that is green, wearing plaid, and standing next to you in the elevator? What ever their name is

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What do you call a fat kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names.

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Bad grammers.

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What is the difference between a duck? One of it's legs are both the same!

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Whats the difference between a truck full of dead babies and a truck full of bowling balls? You can't pick up the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

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Why did the boy jump off the building? To get to the bottom.

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Whats werst than taking candy from a baby. Throwing a baby off a cliff then eating the candy in fronts of its parents

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What did the black guy say in the phone? Hello

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In Soviet Russia, table flip you! ???? ? /(. - . \?

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Q: What did Nala say to Simba during the stampede? A: Nothing. She was nowhere to be found during that scene.

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Larchmont Park is the biggest shithole in the european union - Only the jippo part tho, lots of flies live in that part <3

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Whats worse than ten babies stapled to a tree? One baby stapled to ten trees.

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Where does the girl with one leg work? Ihop

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Does that doctor take insurance? No, the receptionist takes the insurance, the doctor takes your blood... Well actually, the nurse does that.

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Guess what. Chicken butt.

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How do you piss of camon? Have sex with shelby!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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