- Anti Joke

noah is a scrub jungle

Okay "Mr. Your instructor" "Mr.Fucking hypocrite" You dirty asshole! First I will give you some Intel about what I know about you! Then I will tell you what to do! Do you remember when you plowed trough a woman and stole her car in order to sell it? Remember when you returned to her, discovered you had had left her pregnant and as such you had a fifteenth year old daughter now? Then how you began drugging your own daughter so she would turn parlor tricks or she would not get her drugs? But you had to try sell her to three guys for some hours to pay your cocaine abuse too! But that day a certain young man with a metal hand that cracked the wall with your skull and told your daughter he would take care of her until "you got better? " Yeah, that same guy you kept calling for "little crippled sunnuvabicht that keeps sounding like a fucking fortune cookie that is trying to be a messiah" Remember? Or have you already forgotten the man you work for today? Even then you called him a psychopath, a lunatic, a demented fool on a daily basis! I know, because I was a member too back then, but I quit not because I stopped trusting the man you serve and trashtalk, but because I could not stand people like you talking shit about him all day! Because I could not stand that the "fortune cookie sounding/paranoid" "cripple" knew that you treated him like shit behind his back, but believed you where still intelligent and an asset in order to help those in need! So I quit! Oh, but you did so well after he took your daughter away right? Yeah because your daughter begged "the cripple" that he help her daddy out! Yeah, "that fortune cookie talking guy" gave you half his uncle`s inheritance... Where did you think the money which suddenly appeared in your mailbox came from? Do you think it was out of malice that the same "cripple" came around a month later again bashed your skull and told you it was time to end your coke habit and take care of your family or he would break your spine? You sure went back to the women whose car you stole from, but your daughter was petrified of you! Oh, now, now "you where my instructor" a fucking billionaire with your own mansion and sailing boat! But did you recognize her? NO IT IS FAR HARDER TO RECOGNIZE YOUR OWN DAUGHTER WHEN SHE WAS NO LONGER THE TEEN YOU DRUGGED INTO BECOMING A STRIPPER AND THEN TRIED TO SELL, NOW THAT SHE HAS BECOME A UNIVERSITY BIOLOGY TEACHER WITH A MASTERS DEGREE RIGHT? Do you believe that a man whose only name we all know by is Nero is trying to become a fucking messiah? Does it seem like he cares if you idiots treat him like shit? You do know what Angelo Nero is right? Italian for Black Angel, you do know why he forbids people practicing religion in your goddamned little order right? Messiah wannabe? My ass! It is as he told me pigface, he does not want people to follow Gods or him, he wants people to think for themselves and succeed. Ill tell you what to do, first, you do not plan shit, because as soon as you act, if those terrorist will track you back, and kill you all SO YOU WAIT! Your "Oh so shameful I earn 98 percent more than my leader" You do not see to have had problems having your own fucking collection of Ferrari`s do you? Now you make sure Nero7 survives If he says aliens will come kill us all, he is right, if he says that the doctors treating him are spies trying to kill him, you better kill them, and if he tells you to that your daughter would be a much happier person if you took your life, he is right father. He gave me the "Alias" "Eliza" hoping you would recognize your daughters real name ELIZA you piece of shit! You apparently had no trouble remembering that name when you where moments away from selling me that fifteen year old girl to three pigs! If he dies, you wont need fear no terrorists "pimp daddy", because then I will kill you myself! I know where you are hiding, its cold there and I got even the coordinates, so if your last hope out there dies, I will sell those coordinates to them, the price? They all gangrape your ass! And kill you! And then you will regret everything! Screwing over your daughter, and letting the man that saved you and me die! Unless the next reply comes from a fully recovered Nero7 I will call you on my traceable phone, and tell them "Oh daddy lets share information about the orders last hiding place on horsehead network like we do" And if they are willing to take a peek, you better find something else to do, you wont, but I know of someone who can. So now you wait until the only man that has ever known what to do has recovered, AND DO WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE TO STOP THIS ALTOGETHER! YOU DO WHAT YOU ALL SHOULD HAVE DONE ALL ALONG! YOU LISTEN TO WHAT HE HAS TO SAY, AND YOU BETTER FUCKING DO EVERYTHING HE TELLS YOU ALL IF YOU WANT TO SURVIVE! Now that you know who I am, I hope in my heart that you have become a better man, and stop asking me shit, because if they can trace my reply, Nero7 would at least have succeeded to save your daughter and made sure she got educated well, but if I reply, and those terrorists find out, you will be the one that screwed over everything he did for me, for us, and get me killed. Make sure the only person I care about there survives daddy, and THE HELL IF I MEAN YOU!

What's the difference between chili and a urologist? One is hot and spicy and the other analyzes urine.

300 terrorists have a contest, they all jump off a tower and die. Who wins? Society.

You know what's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Because you touch yourself.

Q. What happened when a man went to a bar? A. Nothing, The bar was closed.

Knock knock Who's there? Banana Banana who? Orange Orange who? Banana Banana who? I have AIDS

NO IT IS MINE! ALL MINE!

How do you make an electrician cry? You cut off his friend's penis.

Q. Whats black and rhymes with Snoop? A. Dr Dre

What happened to the boy that got hit by a bus? He was by a 2nd bus, by which he felt no pain because the first bus crushed his lungs and skull causing suffocation and profuse hemorraging.

Weed.

knock knock whos there? jim okay come in.

What did Jesus Christ say to John the Baptist? Nothing. He didn't exist.

why did the one armed, bearded man, in a wheelchair go to the mall ? He wished to purchase yogurt and Tiger woods 2007 for the ps2

I would have buttered my bread, but the pool was cold.

Guy: "Did you hear about the guy who cried wolf?" Friend: "Yes. He was pulling your leg. People cry tears not wolves." Guy: "How did you know he was pulling my leg?" Friend: "If you look down, he's still there pulling it."

1st person: What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? 2nd person: I don't know 1st person: A Jew is a follower of the zionist faith and a pizza is a popular food invented in Italy and comes with your choice of several delicious toppings. 2nd person: But not all Jews follow zionism 1st person: Well some places restrict your choice of toppings. Whats your point?

Your mother is so fat that it became a problem affecting everyone close in her life. Her new year's resolution was to lose weight, and surprisingly, has become quite healthy since then.

This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible to try out for his school's football team. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

A lumberjack wearing women's underwear under his clothes walks into a bar. Several Canadian Mounties stand up and surround him, compliment him on his cooking and offer to go looking for some wild flowers for his herb collection.

Roses are red my underwear is brown I just sharted my pants

Knock-knock? Who's there? I... I dunno I was planning on thinking of a joke before you said who's there, but I ran out of time.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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