Do dead Elves know it's Xmas ?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a man who eats a swordfish at 11 o'clock? Dead by midnight.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

poo

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the mentally challenged man enter the bar? He's tired of being subject hate and criticism. He hates being the subject of jokes and being pointed at. He may not be able to tell you what 3x6 is, but he still has feelings. So because of all these inconsiderate people judging him, he now spends his days at the local bar, drowning his sorrows away in alcohol. I hope your happy.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock knock. Who's there? The police. You wife was killed in an accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the Mexican say to the Pirate? Can I have a pound for my bus, pal?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Two women get in the shower at the same time, because they both start work at 8:00am and have commutes of similar length.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Tyrone is innocent! I can't wait until Kirsty gets hers!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the plane crash The pilot, being an uneducated pilot, crashed the plane as he didn't have proper training, and the whole of the passengers died.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Eh yo Sean u mr. Kingston Hey, how are you doing?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man named Chuck walks into a bar. One of the patrons says, "Oh my god! You're Walker, Texas Ranger!" Chuck replies, "No, that's Chuck Norris. I'm Chuck Connors. I played the Rifleman." The man replies, "Wait, aren't you dead?"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

CRY

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A police officer walks into a doughnut shop. He approaches the cashier and hands him 20$. He says "Here, I saw you drop this on your way in" he promptly leaves the store.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats worse than bitting into a apple and finding a worm? Being the worm who just lost nearly half his whole house because some jerk decided to eat an apple on the ground, whom after eating the apple destroyed the worms self-esteem by making the comparison to the worse thing possible. Or being raped by Zeus in the form of a worm.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did batman say to robin before they entered the batmobile? Get in.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I'm a poet and I didn't even realize I was one

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Stripper went to strip club to ask for work. - It was closed

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Microwave

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's worse than having cancer? Two people having cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A priest, rabbi, and a monk are sitting on a plane. One is in first class, one is in business class, and one is in coach. It turns out they're all going to the same interfaith conference.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a bag of dead babies. I don't have a Ferrari in garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the boy say during his math test? Nothing, talking during a test is prohibited.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the man say to the other man? I would have no clue because I am deaf

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops