Your wife died during the delivery.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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You suck big fat slobber

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Bannana man do do do do do ect.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? None,it eats plants.

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A woman went outside for some fresh air.

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What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can A hundred dead babies in a trash can Whats worse than a hundred dead babies in a trash can A live one at the bottom Whats worse than that It eats it way out Whats worse than that It brings friends

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An old man, and his daughter are walking down the street. They are having a nice time, until the daughter turns around to see the old man lying on the ground in pain because of the crippling arthritis in his back that has caused him agony and discomfort for years.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a carpet? I don't sell carpets.

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Knock Knock! EXPLOSION!!!!

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What do you call someone who puts one number on here as a joke? Someone with no life.

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Why is my penis so damn small? Cause the good lord made me that way

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Why couldn't the farmer drive his tractor He had no arms why didn't he have arms Because he was a potato

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what is blue and fluffy, a blue fluff. what is red and fluffy, a polar bear wiped in red paint. you probably should not have done that because now the polar bear is chasing after you.

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Q: Where do zombies shop? A: Zombercrombie.

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Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He was in a terrible car crash in which the fuel tank exploded.

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What can fly? Lots of things

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How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? A: Pick him up and suck on his wang!

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roses are red violets are blue wanna hear a joke? WNBA....

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What the difference between a mexican family and a bench? The bench can support the family

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roses are red violets are blue I'm ADHD oh look, a squirrel

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cchina is communist the USA isnt WHY?

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Why did you not just "put a spell" on her instead? And you are totally mean, ever actually killed someone?

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why did the semen cross the road? i wore the wrong sock today.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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