What's large, green, and pissed off? The dumpster out back

thumb_up thumb_down +45

What do you call it when someone walks on another person's head? It depends. Face up, fetish. Face down, hate crime.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

How do you put an elephant in a refridgerator? Go to your local zoo with a shotgun, shoot to kill, load elephant in Uhaul, drive home, remove elephant from Uhaul, sharpen your ax, put on mask to pevent excessive blood on face, begin to chop elephant into small chunks, put the chunks into ziplock bags, call a friend to help you move bags into refridgerator, and move bags into refridgerator. Once all the bags are in the refridgerator, dismiss your friend, get in car, and drive to mexico because killing an elephant is not legal and the police will be there soon. Now as for the giraffe...

thumb_up thumb_down +45

How do you make a model ugly? you shoot her in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

How do you stop a baby from crying? Throw it off the top of the Empire State Building.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why does an actor enjoy his work so much? Because it’s all play.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What do you say when you see a flying donkey Wtf

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What did little Mindy Granger find on her paper route? Human teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why was the black man hand cuffed by a woman cop? Because they are a married couple who feel like role play will help spark their sex life again.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why did Sally Drop here ice cream? She was hit by a bus. Knock Knock? *who's there* Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Whats big red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

How many Jews can you fit in a car? I don't know it really depends on the car, usually about 2 in the front, 3 in the back and... That's about it

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Heartlight

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting ran over by a truck.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why can't Helen Keller conduct a Train. Because she is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What's the best way to get gum out of your hair? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +39

One day a man was out fishing in the lake. Suddenly, there was a huge fish pulling his fishing pole so hard it almost broke. Luckily, he managed to pull the fish into his boat. It was the biggest fish he had ever caught and he brought it home for his family to see. They were all very proud.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why was the 6 year old girl crying? Her step-dad kicked her in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why did the little girl fail her test? Because she had mental retardation.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

When Kylie and Conner have a baby he will have a centimeter Schmeter!

thumb_up thumb_down +37

roses are violets red is blue i like doughnuts doughnuts are good

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What d u tell Simba when he's moving to slow? Muvasa

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops