You are in an airplane, and you have 500 bricks. You throw one out the door. How many do you have? 499. What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a fridge? 1-open the door,2-put the elephant in,3-close the door. How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? You open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and shut the door. The lion king is having a party for all the animals… which one didn't go? The giraffe, it's in the fridge. An old lady is trying to cross an alligator infested river. She makes it over. How? The alligators are at the party. She dies anyway. How? She gets hit by the brick you threw out of the window.

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Did you hear about the guys who wanted to go to Hawaii??? They didn't go!

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Bob: "Knock knock." Gerald: "who's there?" Bob: "your worst nightmare." Gerald: "your worst nightmare who?" Bob kicks open the door, kills Gerald, ties up his wife, sells his kids to slavery, and burns his house down.

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How do you fit a homosexual man into a small card board box? You cut him into pieces.

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A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

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Why is Cindy crying? She got a branch stuck in her eye which irritated her sensitive cornea so her tear duct produced a tear to help shed the material from her eye.

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i am an inbred jew who likes penis up my bum ~Nathan Barras

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A girl was walking home from school, she had a pizza box in her hands, her mom was waiting for her in the car to take her to T.G.I.F, and then she dropped the pizza box in the middle of the street. In a frantic attemp to get the box, she run out into the middle of the street and got hit by a semi. Her funeral is tomorrow.

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What's black and twelve inches long? A Maglite.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I'm not sure but my guess is that there was some logical reasoning behind the action.

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How many people with Alzheimers does it take to change a lightbulb? To get to the other side.

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if i had a nickel for every time iv typed an anti joke... i would have $0.15

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Why wasn't the clown funny? He didn't have a face

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Dave: My wife just gave birth! The baby is doing good. John: You mean doing well?

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What is better than a cat? Nothing

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What's large, green, and pissed off? The dumpster out back

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names

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yuor momma so fat she has type 2 diabetes

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knock knock who's there Berry Joe Berry Joe who? I just told you, Berry Joe. oh.

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Why did the Jew have very bad gas? He had very rough anal sex and air got stuck up his bum

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What do you call a giggling penguin? Personification.

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I hate it when sentences don't end the way you expect them potato.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Herpes, Now you do too.

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How do two blondes stay alive at the bottom of a pool for 30 minutes? They don't and they died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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