What do you call a man wearing a hockey mask and holding a chainsaw? A Lumberjack, I lied about the hockey mask

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the priest say to the young African American male? Good to see you again Robert. That community service we did at Morris Park last Friday should give a real boost to the infrastructure of the already stellar community we live in.

thumb_up thumb_down +308

Why was six afraid of seven? Because 7 new what 6 and 9 were doing.....

thumb_up thumb_down +126

Your Mother is so stupid that not only can she not peform basic mathematical sums, but she frequantly makes spelling errors

thumb_up thumb_down +58

What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can? The grief the family feels for the loss of their newborn child.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

A spanish man, a french man and an italian man sat at a pub. And they realise no one can speak english properly.

thumb_up thumb_down -106

Whats big white and can't climb trees? A Fridge. Whats red and bad for your teeth? A Brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

What do you call a blonde with one leg? Heather Mills

thumb_up thumb_down +59

what did the homeless man get for christmas? nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

How do u tourcheer a fat kid? Make him chase a dounout

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Womens rights.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did the chilean guy told to the other chilean guy? Hola!

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What doesn't kill you makes you...... A paraplegic

thumb_up thumb_down -33

1unno;njfjk

thumb_up thumb_down -129

jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pale of water. jack fell down and broke his crown, and is now in intensive care.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

A blonde tries to kill herself cutting both her wrists.Why didn't it work? Because her boyfriend found her just in time and managed to stop the bleeding and took her to the hospital. After some years of therapy they get married and live happy together for the rest of their lives.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

A man walks into a bar. He meets this attractive female. They later go to his house to have sexual intercourse. However, the man forgot to use a condom. He finds out he got AIDS. He dies twenty years later from his sexually transmitted disease.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

why did ben perve on the 5 year old girl he is a pedofile

thumb_up thumb_down +52

A: Knock knock B: Who's there? A: A serial killer B: I don't feel comfortable opening the door

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why didn't the [any object] catch on fire? Because there was water on it. Why didn't the [other object] catch on fire? Because there was water on it. [repeat ad infinitum]

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why doesnt mexico have an olympic team? Because all the mesicans that can run, jump, and swim are already in the U.S.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

A traveling salesman breaks down on a rainy night, but spies a farm house. he knocks on the door and the farmer answers. the salesman asks if he can spend the night. the farmer says "sure, but i gotta warn you, i don't have any daughters."

thumb_up thumb_down -80

I went seal clubbing the other day but as I was the only one with legs, the dancefloor was quite lonely

thumb_up thumb_down +145

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops