Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall?? A: It depends on how hard you throw them!!

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I'm sorry but your child seems to have fractured his spinal column and can no longer control any part of his body below his neck.

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why was the tricycle lonely? the mom back over the kid in the driveway.

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Want to hear a dirty joke? A pig fell in the mud…

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Why did the chicken get hit by a bus? He tried to cross the road.

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How do you get a person to jump off a cliff? You push them.

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What did the cricket say to the fox? Cricket.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato.

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Why did the midget cross the road? He needed to buy a ladder

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When life gives you lemons squeeze them at people then run away.

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What did the girl say before she jumped a bridge? "Do you think I can jump off this bridge?"

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding herpes in your apple.

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What is a 3 legged dog? It's still a dog! Sheesh

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Who would win if Chuck Norris and God fought to the death? None they are both fictional.

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What do you call thousands of people running through london? The marathon

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So a guy walks up to a gay guy and says: "You are a fag." The gay guy says: "That is very offensive, you jerk." So the guy says: "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know what it meant" and the gay guy says: "I accept your apology." Then the gay guy crosses the street and gets hit by a bus

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A white man and a drunken black man enters the bar, the bartender calls the cop and the black man is dragged into the police car. The black man screams YOU ARE RACIST! YOU DAMN RACISTS! The cops tell him he has been walking around the streets naked the last 2 days... Oooh... I am really sorry sir says the black man. He was forgiven and went sober forever. Moral: No moral, that is the anti moral in this anti joke...and besides I am a W class celebrity.enjoy life

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What do you call a white guy sitting on a bench? The NBA.

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How do u get suzzy off a swing? You tell her to get off

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You have small feet Do you know what small feet mean Small shoes

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Katy perry isn't on clould nine because it's physicaly impossible to stand on water persipitation.

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What did the toy cowboy say to the man? Nothing, toys can't talk.

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Rain rain go away, and don't come back or else i will kill your family.

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Q: Why God never got a PhD? A: 1. He had only one major publication. 2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English. 3. It has no references. 4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal. 5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself. 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then? 7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited. 8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. 9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing. 10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. 11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. 12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book. 13. Some say he had his son to teach the class. 14. He expelled his first two students for learning. 15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests. 16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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