A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the guy run out of the whorehouse? Because when she spread her legs it looked like she was pulling apart a grilled ham and cheese sandwich.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Did you hear about the blonde that crashed her car? No. Is she okay?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did little Annie fall off the swing? Cause her penis was too heavy.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Yo mama so old, she must take arthritus medicine to keep out of extreme pain.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A Johnson walks into a hole. Why am I in this hole? Because rape is not an option.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you call white people on a bench? NBA What do you call black people on a bench? RTA

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she was deaf and blind, which both make it very unsafe for her to drive.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

when geese fly in a v formation, why is one side always longer then the other? Because you touch yourself at night...

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did the elephant say to the naked man? "Cute, cute, but can it pick up peanuts?"

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Roses are red, Violets are blue, The first line is spelled wrong, Ha, I tricked you

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Hi, my name is Mark and I have dead babies in my garage... Just kidding. My name ia not Mark.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Knock Knock? Why did you just say knock knock just ring the doorbell

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there happened to be road in the vicinity of the fowl and the odds of the bird crossing it is very high.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What's the difference between a Pile of Dead Babies and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamboghini in my garage

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why couldn't Jimmy eat his food? Because I threw a microwave at him

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Q: What does a bunny and a plum have in common? A: They're both purple except the bunny.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

They found Michael Jackson dead in his house and found Madeleine McAnn in the cupboard 8P

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Roses are red, Violets are red, Why do I have a Virtual Boy?

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Q: What did the vomiting man say to his friend? A: BLEEEAAARRRGGHH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to his wife? A: BLAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!!! Q: What did the vomiting man say to the waiter in the restaurant? A: BLAAAAAARGH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to Leonardo DiCaprio? A: BLEEEEAAAARRGH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to the convenience store clerk? A: BLAAAAAARRRGGGGHHHH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to your mom? A: BLAAAARRRGGGHH!!!! Q: What did the vomiting man say to Barack Obama? A: BLAAAARRRRRGGHHHH!! Q; What did the vomiting man say to the King of Saudi Arabia? A: BLAAAAAAAAAAAEEEAAARRGH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to the bartender? A: BLLLEEEEAAAARRGHHHH!!! Q: What did the vomiting man say to the funeral home director? A: BLLLEEEAAAARRRGGGHHH!!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did the airplane crash? The pilot had a stroke.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane actually hit their car and only killed your family.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How do you call the uncle who molested you as a child? More than likely with a telephone.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's the difference between a duck and a popsicle? I don't shit on hamsters.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops