How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? A car crash.

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What happens when Lord Voldemort tries to kill Harry Potter? He is unsuccessful.

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What is brown and sticky?… A shit…

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You know what they say about a man's feet... No i don't.

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How do you know when you have had too much to drink? When you ran over 7 pedestrians and are lying in the back of a police vehicle

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What is the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer while the other is just a water melon.

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What did the farmer say when the potatoes were ready for harvest? The potatoes are ready for harvest.

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Why didn't the boy answer the phone when it was ringing? Because he had no arms to pick it up.

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"What's up?" "A movie about an old man who takes his house to South America by tying balloons to it, who accidentally brings along a young boy with him and they have an adventure."

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What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

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Roses are Red Violets are Red My Garden is on Fire.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is a woman.

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Yo momma's so ugly that she could not find another partner after the tragic death of your father

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Did you know Helen Keller has a pool? no oh well she does.

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what does lady gaga have that some people dont have? a penis.

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Why couldn't the black man be an astronaut? He was not qualified for the Job

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I hated hipsters before hating hipsters was mainstream. Does that make it sound like I have a fixed gear bicycle? Because I don't... I promise... What's a fixed gear bicycle, you ask? You mean you don't know???

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What did the asian say to the President of the United States? I don't speak English

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Why are apples cheaper than lemons? Because you have to pay less money then lemons to buy them

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: b/c it was dead. Q: Why did the second monkey fall out if the tree? A: b/c it was stapled to the first one. Q: Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? A: b/c he thought it was a game. Q: Why did the toaster fall out of the tree? A: The branch snapped. Q: Why did the little girl fall off of her bike? A: She was hit by three monkeys and a toaster :( MAB99

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An asian woman was driving along the freeway one day when a police officer pulled her over and arrested her, The officer arrested her because she had killed her husband 5 years ago and she thought she had gotten away with it.

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how much swag could a swagchuck chuck, if a swagchuck could chuck swag?

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What's worse than a baby on a pitchfork? Two babies on a pitchfork.

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What did the caterpillar say when he emerged from his chrysalis? I am a butterfly.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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