My Friend Philip had his lip removed today. he is just Phil now.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

thumb_up thumb_down

Knock Knock. Erm, sorry to be weird, but can you perhaps use the doorbell, because it's new and has a novelty chime. I'm proud of it and get a little chuckle everytime it rings in the vain hope that, perhaps you, the visitor, may also find it entertaining. Who's there anyway?'

thumb_up thumb_down

What happens to a blonde girl who is buying drugs off of a drug dealer? Nothing, she was an undercover police officer trying to arrest said drug dealers on the street.

thumb_up thumb_down

42

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open it up and stick him in. How do you put a giraffe in a fridge? Take out the elephant and put in the giraffe.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Two muffins are sitting on a counter. One muffin says to the other "hello." The other muffin says "Oh my god a talking muffin!"

thumb_up thumb_down -2

roses are grey violets are grey im a dog

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do Justin Bieber and corn have in common? They are both fruits. Except for the corn.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

My dog has no nose. How does it smell? It doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Q: Why did the man eat the banana? A: Cuz he was hungry!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Knock, Knock Whos there? Banana Banana Who? Banana i didn't say your moms dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Q: How do you make a baby float. A: Put it in a blender and add ice cream.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did the homosexual farmer say when he answered the phone? Hello

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A duck walks into a bar- nope, just chuck testa...

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's worse than finding half a suicide tablet in your apple? Finding half a worm.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

The secret to McDonalds success is all their customers are to fat to leave

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the man smell bad? He had not showered for several days

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the plane crash? Because a loaf of bread was the pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why couldn't Jimmy go bowling with the rest of his friends? His parents shot him.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why was chuck norris the anti christ? Christianity was being threatened....

thumb_up thumb_down -6

why did the baby fall down the steps? Because there was big earth quake that blocked his parents on the other side of the house, therefor leaving no one capable of getting to him befor falling

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do you call a black man with a gun a soldier who is fighting for his country

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops