Dad: Blind side was the black kid who played tight end. Me: Offensive line. Dad: Sorry, African American kid.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Why are cats mammals? Because they are descended from primordial mammals in the distant past which are the common ancestors of all mammals.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Two Pigs are in a bath. One pig says to the other "pass me the soap", to which the other pig replies "Do I look like a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Why didn't the Country club waiter enjoy iced tea? He's simply always had a preference for warm beverages. He assumes this goes back to his infant days when his mother would massage his belly with warm porridge.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What has four legs in the morning, three at noon, and two in the evening? A baby with leprosy.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What happened to the man who fell off a cliff? He fell

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What is the same about a Duck and a Pickle? Neither of them can ride a bike.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Two icebears are siiting on a iceberg one says to the other: Are you fine with me pushing you off? the other one responds: Would you marry me?

thumb_up thumb_down -35

what do mexicans and grass have in common You find them both in your front yard

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Q. Why is Obama stupid? A. That's an opinion, therefore i cannot answer that.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

once upon a time a guy thought he wrote an original anti joke but it wasnt

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Why did the ship get lost at sea? The captain was a piece of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What's the difference between a black minister and a white priest? Nothing. We're all equal in the eyes of God.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Lard and Liz lard,lard and Liz

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? A: Depends on how hard you throw them.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Knock, knock who's there? Steve Evans. Steve Evans who? You've already forgotten me? We just met on Eharmony yesterday.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Q: Why are the Black Eyed Peas named the Black Eyed Peas? A: I don't know ask them yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi walk into a bar. All three are alcoholics and have done irreparable damage to their livers.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

why did the kitten not eat its food? because its face was stapled to the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What do you call a child sitting alone in the back of a bus? Anti-social and on the verge of depression.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Where is the center of the universe? There is no center of the universe! According to the standard theories of cosmology, the universe started with a "Big Bang" about 14 thousand million years ago and has been expanding ever since. Yet there is no center to the expansion; it is the same everywhere. The Big Bang should not be visualised as an ordinary explosion. The universe is not expanding out from a center into space; rather, the whole universe is expanding and it is doing so equally at all places, as far as we can tell. In 1929 Edwin Hubble announced that he had measured the speed of galaxies at different distances from us, and had discovered that the farther they were, the faster they were receding. This might suggest that we are at the center of the expanding universe, but in fact if the universe is expanding uniformly according to Hubble's law, then it will appear to do so from any vantage point. If we see a galaxy B receding from us at 10,000 km/s, an alien in galaxy B will see our galaxy A receding from it at 10,000 km/s in the opposite direction. Another galaxy C twice as far away in the same direction as B will be seen by us as receding at 20,000 km/s. The alien will see it receding at 10,000 km/s:

thumb_up thumb_down -37

One day, a woman was walking down an alleyway at midnight She reached the end of the alley and realised that it was a dead end, as there was a brick wall, so she turned around and headed on back home.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

A man walks into a bar. The barman says, 'why the lo-, wait, i thought you was that horse again.'

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops