How do you make a Chef cry? You kill his family.

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Why did the bones cross the street? They didn't. The dogs ate them.

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what is almost like Jesus? Jesus

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Bin laden walks into a bar oh wait he's dead.

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what did the boy say when his friend was having a panic attack? "don't panic!" rather earnestly in the hope that his friend's breathing returned to normal as panic attacks can be very uncomfortable and place too great a strain upon the cardio and respiratory functions.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was an animal with a small brain and could not comprehend the situation.

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What do you call a black pilot? A pilot.

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What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre.

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What do we call the science of classifying living things? Racism

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Mr. Krabs lives in bikini bottom (pinch pinch)

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What did the kid with no arms or legs get for Christmas? Cancer

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he was hit by a bus.

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Does pizza sound good for dinner?

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Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to get well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that while Mary was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas. The tank was full and Mary only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrible car accident. The gas tank immediately emptied and set fire to Mary and her baby.

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What did the black man say to the white man? Hello

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The mailman. I don't believe you.

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dickdickvdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdick

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what doesn't kill you makes you crippled for life because you lost use of your legs in a tragic car accident

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Why was six afraid of seven? Well...here's how it went. It was a rainy Sunday evening. Seven felt like he wasn't cared for and unneeded. Two and Four tried talking to him, but that might have set him off. I just left a deli with my friend Three, and as soon as we leave, I see Seven, with a 45 to his head speeding down the alley. Causing mass commotion, he careens to the right a split second before hitting pedestrians. At the sight of that, I knew he was still in control. I call him on my smartphone and tell him to "Relax, park, and I'll meet you in a minute." I run up the side of the pickup, and lean in on the window. He pulls it down and I tell him that it isn't over, and that we DO care for him. One, Five, and Ten were run over though. Oh, and Seven ate Nine too. He was depressed when he did it.

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A man dreamt that he was eating a marshmallow. He ate his dog.

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So a blonde walks into a wall...

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How do you make a dog say meow? Freeze it and put it through a woodchipper. (MEROWRRRR)

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What do you call somebody who votes for Donald Trump? A voter. What do you call somebody who votes for Hillary Clinton? A voter.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops