A man is working at a bar. He feels a fly graze his left index finger, which has become a bit sweaty. The man rubs the finger for a moment, then continues to slice grapes for a customers synthetic japanese glue farm.

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What is black, white, and red all over A penguin in a blender

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What do dogs and whales have in common? They both live in the ocean. Apart from the dog.

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What did your Little brother get for Christmas? Lice.

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Why wasn't Kevin Love able to draw a perfect circle. Because, he just wasn't able to get the job done

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What do you call a boy with no arms or legs that gets stepped on a lot? Mat.

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How do you kill a vampire? You can't because vampires aren't real.

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What's got eight legs and one eye? Two chairs and half a pigs head.

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why did jimmy stop eating his breakfast two Penn state officials knocked at the door

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Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? it has no legs.

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What's purple and green and has a criminal record including two counts of armed robbery, five counts of possession with intent to sell, one count of attempted murder, several citations for underage drinking, and a parking ticket? Barney, but ignore all that other stuff. His record was expunged.

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How do you get 100 Jews into a car? You can't. It's physically impossible.

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What did the girl say in her French lesson? Miss, I don't get it, its in a different language.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? When he first entered the world, Chicken was a lonely bird. Nobody else liked him. Not even his mother. He was small and scrawny, and whenever the farmer came to feed the pigs or shear the sheep, he would get scared and hide in between two pieces of wood. One day Chicken woke up and his family was gone. Although they had never loved him, his heart was tender, and he was desperately concerned for them. After hours of searching for them, he overheard Cow speaking to Horse: "It's a tragedy, really. They were such a happy family. But now their off to the land of KFC, forever lost in the sea of chicken wings. But Chicken was determined to change his family's fate. He escaped the barn and ran into the woods. There he traveled day by day, and at night he hid from the hungry wolves. Life in the forest was tough, but no tougher than the loss of loved ones, so he kept going. On and on and on, until the forest ended and the city began. It was a new world to Chicken. He had never seen so many different buildings and contraptions. His eyes had never before held the wonder of the majesty of such a strange place. After traveling through the dangerous alleys of the city, he finally found it: the terrible land of KFC. The place where humans' dreams begin, but chickens' end. The place of horror and death and unfairness. The place that summarized Chicken's whole life. He was here now. The only thing separating him from his family was a road. A road that was so small compared to his previous trials, so incomprehensibly tiny when placed next to the gaping hole in his broken heart. So the chicken crossed the road. Then he got hit by a bus.

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A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Hey, 2 beers please" The bartender asks why he is ordering two, as he is alone. The man replies "There is a taxi waiting for me outside."

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. Erm Wait why would a chicken be on the side walk in the first place?

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That was slightly painful. I would appreciate it if you would stop such actions in the future

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What's funnier than a chicken? nothing.

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What did the rich man say to the poor man? i feel sorry for you

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Knock Knock Whos there? Your mom My mom died three years ago, please go away while i cry.

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sfdg

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What do you call cheese that isn't your's Well it would depend on what type of cheese it actually is

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Why did the cat lick the black guy. Because the cat thought it was dirty.

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whats up with that? i'm from jersy

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops