A schizophrenic walks into a bar. He has dual personalities and does not realize that he has murdered his family.

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Steve buys 60 watermelons.. What does he have? A lot of watermelons.

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Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: The chicken saw greater opportunities to find food on the other side

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a disabled man takes a walk in a park

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Why did the teenage girl pee on a stick? She and her boyfriend had foolishly engaged in unprotected sex two weeks before, and she was now concerned that she may be pregnant.

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Knock Knock Whos there? Your mom My mom died three years ago, please go away while i cry.

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What do you call a man who only eats fast food? Unhealthy.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator? You open the door, put the giraffe in and close the door. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?. . . . . . No! You open the door, TAKE THE GIRAFFE OUT, and put the elephant in. So, the lion calls a meating in the animal kingdom and who's not there? The elephant, he's in the refrigerator. You have to cross a river infested with crocodiles, and you don't have a boat. How do you get across?. . . . . . No! You get in the river and swim across because the crocodiles are at the meating with the lion!

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Why couldn't the man read? Because he was illiterate

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A black man goes down to Alabama in the 1960s; He gets lynched.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Flesh is green When the dead start to rise you're on my team

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What's the difference between Jordan and Time? Time passes!!

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Why did the kid need glasses? A monkey threw a fridge at him.

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HALF LIFE 4 COMING OUT SOON!

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I have Alzheimer's, i pee out gold, racoons

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Hey are you sleepy? Good, cause I just saw Jeff The Killer and Slenderman outside your window. Good night!

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How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb? none, you can't see them in the dark. Vincent

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knock knock, Whos there ? ( runs away ) trololololololololol

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What does a Barbie Doll and Britney Spears have in common? They're both 100 percent plastic.

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What do you call a Simon with no arms and legs? Simon

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What's wrong with a muslim flying a plane? Nothing you racist

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What's the difference between a mac and a pc? Well haven't you seen the commercials.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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