How tall is oprah.. 5'7

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Knock knock. Who's there It's Jim O ok come on in

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Whats black and blue and red all over? An infant after its been beaten with a bat.

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Where did the boy go after the explosion? Everywhere

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I saw a woman get burned alive on the news... That woman was my mom.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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How do you drown a blonde? Well there are a few ways, including holding her head underwater until she passes out and then leaving her in the pool.

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what did Susie, the girl with no arms, say after she fell off the swing? nothing, she was killed on impact.

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A man walks into a bar. The man says,"ouch, how could I have not seen the bar."

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What's black and white and red all over? A pile of dead, mixed-race babies.

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how do you wake up lady gaga you poke her face

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Goodbye to the people who hated on me.

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Why was the Chinese Man mistaken for the other Chinese Man? They were twins.

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why is my phone broken i dropped it

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Why was Tigger looking in the toilet? He was looking for pooh

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A blonde walks into a bar a uses the restroom. She needed to pee.

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What do you call kids born in whorehouses? Poor, poor children.

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How do u make Michael Jackson cry Dead people can't cry you dumb bitch

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Hello we are from the church of the latter day saints.

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A man walks into a bar, he says ouch.

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doctor doctor i have been having a sore head recently . doctor : have you hurt your head yes

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There's three sisters: a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. They know she's not they're real mom.

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what's purple and tastes like a grape? a grape.

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A man walks into a bar.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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