If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

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A seal walks into a club.

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A woman went in the kitchen and made you a sandwich.

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Why did the white bartender kick out a black man and his Mexican friend out of the bar? It was closing time

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Why was the middle-aged doctor morbidly obese? He liked bacon and was severely hypocritical.

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What's the difference between a hippopotamus? An orangutan.

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Why didn't suzie eat? Because she wasn't hungry

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If you driving a jetski and the wheeles fall off how many screws does it take to fix the dog house? BLUE PAINT

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Ask me if im a tree! Are you a tree? No

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Why cant Michael J Fox draw a perfect circle? because he is dying of parkinson's disease.

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Why did the fireman wear red suspenders? To honor his father, Jonathan "Red" Hoffner, who was tragically killed in the line of duty. While attempting to save 3 small children in a trailer park fire, the elder firefighter suffered 3rd degree burns over 80 percent of his body. "Red" was rushed to a local hospital and lingered for several agonizing days. He began to rally but a careless error by a night nurse led to his unfortunate demise. His son was psychologically unable to wear anything but red suspenders every day for the rest of his life - not only because of his father's death but also because it was he who had maliciously set the fire in the first place.

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whats long and stretchy? elastic

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What do you call a man covered in bees? Nothing, you'll startle the bees!

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Timothy started school at an elementary and was in the fourth grade. His teacher was Ms Bradshaw, and he liked his class. One day as he was going into class, Ms Bradshaw asked everybody, "what's worse than biting into an apple with a worm in it?" Timothy raised his hand and said "the holocaust." The teacher went to her desk and pulled out a desert eagle and shot Timothy five times in the face and raped his dead body

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have you seen hellen kellers new treehouse? no well neither has she

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roses are red violets are too im bleeding

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Nicole: Shove it where the sun don't shine! Katlyn: I'm richer than you! Nicole: Shut your frickin' mouth! Katlyn: You'll be bankrupt! (This conversation was recorded while Nicole and Katlyn were playing Monopoly. They both died in a car accident later that day...)

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Knock, Knock! Who's there? Hatch! Hatchoo! Bless you!

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How do you get a tower to move? Hit it with a plane.

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why cant ben cry, because i gorged his eyes out with a popsickle stick.....

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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whats worse than war? being tied to a chair and watch your parents die.

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And Stephen Hawking said.

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A black man walks into a bar. The barman says 'We don't serve your kind here'. The man leaves and goes to a nearby bar that doesn't have racist staff.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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