Top Gear USA

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How do you punish Helen Keller? Send her to her room until she becomes civil enough to explain what was causing her misbehavior.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What amusing anecdote did the Department of Educational Dictations officer tell his coworker? There was no amusing anecdote. DED men tell no tales.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the skeleton stay home from the party He was buried in a coffin underground and, as a matter of fact, wasn't actually invited

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A horse walks in a bar. The barman asks: "Why the long face?" The horse replies: I have aids.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the woman say when she lost her purse? Where's my purse?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's the best thing about twenty three year olds? There's twenty of them

thumb_up thumb_down -15

When adolf hitler went to the chippy, He ordered a bock wurst. Later, he ate the whole thing and said he wants another.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the man name his boy "Sue?" He had bad eyesight and thought it was a girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the parakeet say to the grapefruit? Nothing. Parakeets can't speak.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

why am i a dick head. because my gcse's spelt fudge and i dont like fudge so i project my anger into boss things

thumb_up thumb_down -15

On a deserted island in the middle of nowhere three women have just been in a horrible boat wreck. They are okay and alive. One is a lovely smart brunette. An appealing ginger. And a blond.. named Becky. They take shelter when one of them notices a shimmer in the sand. They pick it up to discover that it was a golden lamp. They rub it and a blue cloud of smoke consumes them. Then a magnificent Guinnie appears and says "You have awoken me from my 10,000 year encasement inside that lamp! I shall grant you 3 wishes to show you my sincere gratitude." The brunette wishes for a plane so she can fly home. The ginger wishes for a boat to sail back home. The blonde was lonely so she wished that the brunette and the ginger were back with her.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why can't Helen Keller Drive? Because she's a women. Why can't Stephen Hawking speak freely with his voice? Because he's autistic.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Q:What do you say to an albino man that will always get his attention? A:His name.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the fisherman go to Alaska? The commercial fishing business is strong there and it was a sound financial decision.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's brown and sticky? Vomit.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

There are two lawyers about to enter a court room. They look at each other shake their hands and then the defending lawyer smiles and says "I'm Jewish your f*cked"

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the little girl fall off of the swing? Because she has no arms. Why did the little child orphan with no arms or legs get for christmas? CANCER and for his birthday A.I.D.S. R.I.P little orphan

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It died. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Question: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Answer: Being raped by a giant scorpion.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

did you hear the joke about the lobster and the clownfish? no.. oh.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

If one train is heading North at 60 mph, na danother train is heading South at 45 mph, how many waffles are on the roof? The answer is purple, because aliens like coffee.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops