What do you do when your dishwasher isn't working? Beat it senseless, and then tell your wife you need a new one.

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Why did the Black man cross the street? To get to the other side.

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A man walking on a beach looks into the surf and sees a beautiful oil lamp floating to shore. Wondering who in the heck uses oil lamps anymore, he picks it up, sees a bit of crust on the side, and rubs it clean. Just then a burst of smoke comes out of the lamp, and a genie floats out and stands before the man. "Oh master, thank you for releasing me from the lamp. In thanks, I grant to you one wish. Anything you ask for, it will be true," said the genie. "One wish? What happened to three," asked the man. "Dude, don't push it. We're in a recession. So what's your wish?" "OK. OK. I ... I... I WISH I WAS RICH!" screamed the man. The genie folded his arms, blinked twice, scratched his nose, nodded his head, and spun in a circle twice. "And it is SO!" he cried out. The man looked at himself, looked at the genie, but nothing seemed to have changed. "WTF, genie. Am I rich?" The genie replied, "Well no. You said, 'I wish I was rich.' I made you rich... ten years ago. You were rich. Now you're not. You used the indicative mood 'was.' If you wanted it to become true now in the present, you should have used the subjunctive mood 'were.'"

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Why I the kid still at school? His mom was brutally run over by a car

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How many ants does it take to fill an apartment? It depends on the size of the apartment.

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So once upon a midnight dreery.... In a galaxy far far away that takes place in the past but resembles a technologically advanced future, an evil sith overlord took an innocent Jedi knight and turned him in a cybernetic killing machine. In the end, he dies

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JUSTIN BIEBER IS A FAG

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Baking a cake can be very hard and stressful, just like beating a slut with an axe.

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What do you call a man who writes anti-jokes? Rhys, because that is my name. thank you

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What did the deaf, dumb, blind kid get on his birthday? Cancer.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Stolen.

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When there's something weird in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? The police.

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did it hurt when you fell from heaven? cause it looked like you landed on your face

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I was in the middle of downloading a porno of two hot girls getting it on, my computer got a virus and crashed.

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Did you hear about the speed reader on top of the Twin towers? 90 stories 5 seconds.

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Q: Why didn't the Government help the poor little boy? A: Because he was taking a test and that would be cheating.

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What kind of "room" can you not enter? One with a locked door.

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A man walks into a restaurant and orders a rare steak. Soon after, he gets food poisoning.

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Q: Why did the little girl upset? A: Because she was part of the human centipede

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face?" then one of the costumers calls the health inspector and he shuts the place down because its not sanitary to have dirty horses in bars.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? because 7 was black

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ROB SNIEDER ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS A CAARRRRROT! rated pg-13

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Guess what? what. You guessed it!!

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What's worse than your mom finding out she has AIDS? After she found out she had AIDS she stormed out of the hospital and got run over by a bus.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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