What has four legs one head but only one foot? A dog that was born with physical deformities.

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There's a fair in a small town in Scotland. In this fair is a sheep judging contest. There are 3 sheep lined up for judging. The judge looks at the first sheep and says "Wow! This is the most beautiful sheep I've ever seen! This sheep just might win!" Then he proceeds to the second sheep. He says "This sheep is even more beautiful than the first! This sheep just might win!" Then he goes to the third sheep. He says "UGH! This is the ugliest most disgusting sheep I've ever seen! There is no way this sheep will win this contest!" And the sheep looks up at him and says, "You think I'm ugly? Well I'm not."

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How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2.

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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What did a man say to the woman with two black eyes? nothing he ain't already told her twice....

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Knock Knock Who's there? A package, the UPS man is already back in his truck.

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what did nena say in the library while her and her friends were on anti-jokes? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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What do you call a man who interru- SHUT UP!

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What is the difference between a Jew and pizza? Pizza does not scream when it goes in the oven.

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Sorry boss

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Knock knock. Who's there. To get to the other side.

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Q:What happened to the fat man that rode a roller coaster? A:He had fun

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The man who invented the teleprompter has died at the age of 91. When President Obama heard the news, he was speechless.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?  Getting raped by a 10 foot scorpion.

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Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to get well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that while Mary was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas. The tank was full and Mary only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrible car accident. The gas tank immediately emptied and set fire to Mary and her baby.

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Knock-Knock who's there? Artichoke Artichoke who? Your friend Artie choked on a ham sandwich, and I'm sorry to inform you that he didn't survive.

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A white man, a black man, and a Mexican board a plane. The white man watches the on-flight film. The black man watches the on-flight film. The Mexican also watches the on-flight film. At the end of a long flight, they leave the plane and go do whatever it is they planned to do at their destination.

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Dani barton from bob chuckles

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there were 2 sausages in a frying pan. One sausage says it sure is hot in here. The other one says WTF a talking sausage!

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John: I just ran over a cat... Just kidding! It was your mum.

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Q: why are anti-jokes tasteless? A: because they have no flavoure

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how do you stop a baby from crying? Slit its throat

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What did the black guy do to his neighbor's car while he was away? Wash it for a for as a favor.

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what do u say to a girl after you have sex with her? i like cheese

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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