What did the 14 year old girl get on her birthday? A cake that read, "You're adopted"!

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Why could the girl climb out of the pool? She drowned

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Your mother is so obese that she has over the recommended daily calorie intake on a regular basis.

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What is the hottest day of the week? Wednesday

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Q: Whats the biggest lie? A: The Cake...

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Have you seen Andrea Bocelli's new house? No. He hasn't either.

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This made my day: The Japanese verb "to drink" is "nomimasu". [L]

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An old jew, an irish man, and a young mexican woman in her mid 20's are on an island. They eventually become hungry to a extremely ravishing extent. The jew cries out: "I can't take the thought of consuming man, because I am only allowed to consume kosher" The Mexican says: "Alright" The Irishman says: "O.K. Until then lets head over to Timilio's... I hear they are a fine establishment and also serve Kosher meals."

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why is my wife crying? because she doesn't like tomatoes

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What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the world series? No Cubs!

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What do you call a guy named Bob hanging by a string? Plum Bob

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Why did the cop pull the black guy over because he was speeding

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Two cows were in a feild, one said "moo" and the other said "i was going to say that!"

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What did Taylor say to the other Taylor? Hi, my name is Taylor

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A mexican and a black guy are in a car. Who's driving? The chauffer, they are both rich business men.

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Do you want to hear a racist joke? I hate black people...

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What did the black man do for his science project Which is better homemade or colonel sanders?

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i am an inbred jew who likes penis up my bum ~Nathan Barras

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says, "It is quite hot in here." This is a lie. Neither of the muffins spoke because in reality, Muffins are not only inanimate objects, they are not humans, and therefore they do not have the ability to speak in a comprehensible language.

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8=>

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— Knock knock. — Who's there? — Funny. — Funny who? — A funny joke.

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A Polar Bear walks into a bar and says to the barman: "Barman! Give me a whiskey and ............................................................coke." The barman says: "Why the big pause?" to which the Polar bear replies: "Well uhm my father had big paws"

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Why can't Hellen Keller read, write, or do anything really? Because, shes a woman.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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