Why did the baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken

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Patrick: My name is 24. Spongebob: Hey, Patrick, you know whats worse than 24? Patrick: What? Spongebob: 911.

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What did the black guy say to the other black guy? We are both black

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Why was six afraid of seven? Well...here's how it went. It was a rainy Sunday evening. Seven felt like he wasn't cared for and unneeded. Two and Four tried talking to him, but that might have set him off. I just left a deli with my friend Three, and as soon as we leave, I see Seven, with a 45 to his head speeding down the alley. Causing mass commotion, he careens to the right a split second before hitting pedestrians. At the sight of that, I knew he was still in control. I call him on my smartphone and tell him to "Relax, park, and I'll meet you in a minute." I run up the side of the pickup, and lean in on the window. He pulls it down and I tell him that it isn't over, and that we DO care for him. One, Five, and Ten were run over though. Oh, and Seven ate Nine too. He was depressed when he did it.

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What's the difference between an American and a Russian? One's American and one's Russian.

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What do you hear when you put your foot on a man's ear? A man saying, "WTF are you doing?!"

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whats worse then being lit on fire? dont worry about that right now your ass is on fire!

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You know, people are kind of like trees, they tend to fall over when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

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Rob Bell

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Did u hear about the jew that bought something not on sale? Neither did i.

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Did you hear about the peanut that was assaulted? He filed a police report weeks ago and is upset by the sluggish nature of the justice system.

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Your mum is so fat, she has a larger bmi than someone with a healthy bmi

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A man goes to his drug dealer to buy Meth, there is no joke here, he is addicted to meth.

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Why don't you see elephants find in trees? Because most trees can't hold an elephants weight.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Sally had no arms. Knock knock. Whose there? Not Sally.

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among liedbtt is my Captcha code

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Why did the man stand on one foot? Because he had one leg.

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What do you call a man who buys flowers, chocolates, and new jewelry for his wife? A kind, considerate husband.

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why was justin sad? his family was murdered

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A horse goes to the mall and when he is in the checkout line there is a man at the cash register the man at the cash register says "Why the long face?" and the horse replies "hey buddy, watch it!!!!!!!"

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what do you have to do to confuse a blond? Nothing

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at poems show me your boobs

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Superman vs Batman real fight: Batman: Hmm I believe that Superman might want to fight m*squish* Batman explodes in a bunch of meat as a blue and red blur is seen fly by. Extended Edition: Batman: Hah Superman I got kryptonite gloves so if you would just stand close to them for about five minute...*squish* Batsack of meat left we see nothing because Superman is FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET. They are probably gonna go like every fucking crossover, first they squabble and throw a few punches for five minutes, then they realize that the LAX LADDER LEX LUGER AND LEX LUTHOR brothers made up some fake story so sups and bts kill each other while they blow up the world, so Btz, and Soup end up beating them up... Moral: "PFF! BATMAN HAS BEATEN UP SUPERMAN AND THE HULK IN THOUSANDS OF SHlTTY NON CANON STORIES!" (In where the one with the Hulk described the hulk to have the instincts and combat skills of a "dumb, animal like confused ape" yes actual quote, Batman punched this confused green ape across a door and kept beating "The Hulk" up as he ran around in "animalistic fear and "rage" receiving random kicks by Batman, then Btz throws some capsule that turns into a fishbowl with no oxygen that chokes The Hulk (supposedly to death) in a few seconds... The Hulk can like hold his breath for YEARS in space, (but you know these lethal fishbowls)

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I like my coffee the same way I like my women: without a penis!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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