Q: How do you starve a Black family? A: By not giving any Food.

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why was the vampire sad? his last victim had aids.

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rishi is gay (coventry england)

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what did hercules parents tell him? You're adopted

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monekey fall out of the tree? It thought it was a game. Why did the refridgerator fall out of the tree? It had no arms. Why did the girl fall of of her bike? She was hit by three monkeys and a refridgerator

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How do you get a pirate out of your seat? Politely ask him to move for you were there first.

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Whats worse than a man who has had a hard day at work, he goes to a bar and gets drunk, he goes home and beats his wife? I his wife was fat and had cancer

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What did the therapist say to the other therapist? Your skin looks dry, let me lend you some ointment.

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If you're American outside of the bathroom, then what are you inside the bathroom? An American inside of a bathroom.

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What does a black man do when he breaks into a car? He steals the radio

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what did the little girl with no arms or legs get for her birthday? a bike.

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Q: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound? A: Yes

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why was the frog sad..... because it had a science lesson with the year 10s about the insides of animals

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Burp

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Why did the man remain calm when the judge passed the death sentence? Because he was in another country and had no connection with the case.

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How do you get free money? Hire a black man to rob a bank.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread, and loaves of bread are incapable of understanding the intricacies of fly-by-wire guidance and propulsion systems.

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My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

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Why did Susan fall of the swing? She had no arms... Knock Knock... Who's there? Not Susan...

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jimmy carr walks into a tax office.

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If Voldemort was gay who would be his partner? Happy potter

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yo momma's so stupid that she can't support your family, because she can't get a steady job, meaning she does not have money to pay the bills or buy food. This also means you must now get food from your local food bank and sleep on the streets.

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you know what they say, Big man, Big hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, shame he died

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Whats the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to smash with a hammer. The other is a watermelon.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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