Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Man: Am i going to be alright? Doctor: No, you're going to die.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Do you know what's not right? Left.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What did the cashier say to the customer? You're total is $27.95

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q: What's worse than finding a shrimp platter on a babys hand. A: A baby's hand on a shrimp platter

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What's brown, dusty, and full of male? My asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Whats the difference between a ham sandwich and a dead baby sandwich? I don't stomp on my ham sadnwiches with cleats before I eat them.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

You know those people that learned the true name of God, as God asked kindly... ...Well you know God can be nice sometimes but he actually COMMANDED they keep his name secret forever? They became the first people known as Jehova`s witnesses... JEHOVAH<<< SECRET NAME ANYBODY? So much for keeping his secret name guys! They claim that only a few thousand humans will ascend to heaven, in other words all of the JEHOVA`s witnesses... All two billions of them or something... For keeping his name (Cough JEHOVAH) secret. SUCCESS!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How are cherries and kittens different? They're both fun to cut up.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A Man, a chicken and a horse walk in to a bar and sit down at the stools near the jukebox. The jukebox is playing Love Me Tender. The Bartender notices the man pull something from his pocket and hand it to the chicken who takes it in her beak and then turns to the horse and passes it to him. "What'll it be?" says the Bartender. "methamphetamines", says the horse ironically.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

John had 50 candy bars and he ate 45 what does he have...... Diabeaties

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A suicide bomber enters a bar. Everyone dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the woman say when she ate crabs. This smells like my vagina (This women died slowly from crabs)

thumb_up thumb_down -10

So coool! How did you do that dinosaur!?

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Knock knock. Who's there? Tim. Tim who? Tim Smith.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? One, its not a difficult task.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I saw a man with a hungry look in his eye, like the kind you get from not eating for a while

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What's long hard and black A drain pipe

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Knock knock Who's There? Woo? Woo who? Stop celebrating and let me in.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What do you call a low-fat banana? A nothing...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Where did the little girl go when the bomb went off? Everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? As much as it is capable of. Personally depends on the weight of the wood.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

a rabbi,a priest and minister didnt walk into a bar. Bars are for fun and fun is for not completely insane brainwashed people.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What did one ginger say to the other We have red hair

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops