Dad's writes on son's Facebook wall: "Dear Son, How are you? All are fine here. We miss you a lot. Please!! TURN OFF THE COMPUTER & COME DOWN FOR DINNER!!! by darragh hamilton

thumb_up thumb_down -14

"Did you eat your veggies?" asked the shark, sarcastically.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I thought I was a bird and I could fly Gravity painfully reminded me I was only a human

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Roses are red Violets are red Tulips are red Bushes are red Trees are red Fences are red OMG MY FENCE IS ON FIRE!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q:What's red and hurts your teeth? A:A brick

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's the difference between a terrorist and Bill Gates? One founded a successful software company, and the other commits mass murder of civilians for political gain.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

roses are dead violets are gross guess what i'm in your closet

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How do you kill a blond? Stab her repeatedly 10 consecutive times in the head with a knife.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Once upon a time there was man named Bob. He liked bacon. So he ate some. And he like it. So he got some more and ate it. Then he went an played THE GAME.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

This is a joke only for males: Walk into any semi busy public restroom. Stand at the urinal for about 30 seconds to a minute acting as though you cannot find your penis. Make sure you have the attention of at least 2 other urinators and then exclaim quite loudly "I can't find it!" then walk out.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you say to a dead man who knocks on your door? Nothing, you shoot him cause he's a zombie

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Shit Happens....or sometimes it doesn't! As the person is taken to the hospital with severe constipation.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

You have cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -10

YOUIR MAMA IS SO UGLY THAT SHE MIGHT WANT TO LOOK INTO PLASTIC SURGERY TO BETTER HER APPEARENCE

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Whats the difference between a lamp and Morgan Freeman? Alot

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Knock Knock. Did someone outside the front door just say "Knock Knock"?

thumb_up thumb_down -33

There are two muffins in an oven. One muffin says to the other "dang, it's really hot in here." Realizing that muffins can not talk the other muffin wakes up to a very hungry man biting his face.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

stevie wonder watched a movie yesterday

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why are all black people considered to be relatively fleet of foot as contrasted to other races? Because their gene pool contains a higher frequency for the traits of low body fat and high proportions of musculature.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

what is the difference between Stephani and a whale? A whale is skinnier... get the harpoonns

thumb_up thumb_down +1

And if we met in 1780, I was a white southern aristocratic plantation owner and you were my dark skinned servant lady ... slave Whenever I could get away from the Mrs., I'd go to your shed and then I'd steal you kisses. But let's be serious, I'd still work you full time as a slave, there's a difference between romantic language and a complete disregard for socioeconomic trends.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A blind man walks into a bar Backs up, and walks around it.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Why do mexicans jump the gate Because theres a sale at chipotle

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops