Why does Matt Daly do in his free time? it involves his finger and his own buttwhole

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two men are walking and nobody falls becouse they use a power balance

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"Hey baby, did it hurt when you fell from up there?" "Waaaaaaahhhhh..." "Ok, let me kiss it better."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because

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Why did the cancerous elephant cross the road? it said WALK.

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What's green and has wheels? Weed. I lied about the wheels.

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what is worse than a pile of dead babies? there is one alive at the bottom. what is worse than that? it eats its way out.

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Why did the horse stop runnIng? His master beat him to death.

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A man walks into a bar and gets drink

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What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because its instincts were telling it that the higher amount of grass on the other side of the road would lead to an increase in the odds of survival due to a more adequate source of food and nourishment.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Q: How do you make Osama Bin Ladin happy? A: Take him out to a nice seafood dinner free of charge.

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One man calls emergency: - Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom! After five minutes, the same man calls back: - It is OK, I found another one.

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When life gives you lemons You've got some lemons.

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What did the disrespectful cow say to his parents? Mooo. I hate you both

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what's worse than pie? alot of things.

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What's the difference between an orange? The horse because the vest has no sleeves.

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What shoots rockets but is not classed as a deadly weapon? A toy rocket launcher, I lied about the rockets.

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? Because she was blind.

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What do you call a muffin with frosting? A cupcake

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why does jake have so many guns? hes compensating

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What did the blade of grass say to the other blade of grass? Nothing, as grass does not have the capability of speaking and does not have a brain, all it has is a complex life system where it feeds off water. If it were to say anything though, it would say, "Hey! We're both blades of grass!"

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Why don't women know how to drive a car? Because there are no roads between the kitchen and the bedroom.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops