A horse walks into a bar. The Bartender says "Why the long face?" The Bartender is then put into a lunatic asylum for hallucinating and trying to communicate with said hallucinations.

Why should you never eat a jellyfish on a Wednesday? Because it will sting you with its poison.

Why can't Abraham Lincoln tell a lie? Because he's dead.

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was blind and deaf. That would be irresponsible/

Why was the boy hanging from the ceiling? He was sad

There was a man that Invited Bruce Wayne, Superman, Peter Parker, Batman, Clark Kent and Peter Parker to his party He was really sad when he heard only half of them could attend...

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What did Chuck Norris say to the man that asked for his autograph? He happily obliged and continued on with his day.

Q:Why was the blond so dumb A: She had downsidrome

Dude, you're playing call of duty by yourself and in last place...HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!!??

What's more funny than 10 dead babies in the bottom of a trash can? 1 dead baby in the bottom of 10 trash cans...

What's a green tasty vegetable? None, they're vegetables.

Throw your crépe right into an ocean Where an octopus can get it in all the commotion With the crépe and the ocean and the oc-to-pus

once upon a time, it snowed

Your momma's so old she might die soon.

How do you kill somebody? A: I don't know, I'm not a murderer.

A redhead walks into a hairdressing salon and asks to have her hair dyed black due to being a subject of bullying and social rudeness.

Abe Lincoln, George Washington, George Bush and Barack Obama are sitting at a table at a bar. They all realize that none of them know each other, wonder when in time they are, have mental breakdowns, and run screaming into the night.

Why couldn't Harry Potter get a job at Mc Donalds? Because he isn't real.

LIE

Nancy Kerrigan walks into a club

Why are gay guys so good at being gay? The black guys told them too.

Opinions are like assholes. I'm not sure how they are alike, but that seems to be the general consensus.

A blonde walks into a store and tells the clerk "I'd like to buy that microwave". The clerk says "we don't sell things to blondes.". The blonde comes in the shop the next day with a brown wig on and says "I'd like to buy that microwave". The clerk says "we don't sell things to blondes". The blonde asks how he knew she was a blonde. The clerk replies, "I can see flyaway strands of your hair from the top of your wig and the synthetic hair material of the wig is not convincing.