Opinions are like assholes. I'm not sure how they are alike, but that seems to be the general consensus.

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A blonde walks into a store and tells the clerk "I'd like to buy that microwave". The clerk says "we don't sell things to blondes.". The blonde comes in the shop the next day with a brown wig on and says "I'd like to buy that microwave". The clerk says "we don't sell things to blondes". The blonde asks how he knew she was a blonde. The clerk replies, "I can see flyaway strands of your hair from the top of your wig and the synthetic hair material of the wig is not convincing.

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One time, I saw this guy on stilts and thought it would be hilarious if someone pushed him over. Then some guy pushed him over and broke his neck.

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Q: Why can't dinosaurs talk? A: Because they're all dead.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Why was the fat man crying? He was sentenced to the electric chair for a murder he didn't commit.

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What did the penguin do in the desert? He died .

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Why doesnt the ladder work? A ladder is an inaminent object therefore imcapable of having a job.

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Elvis presley was taking a poop and couldnt poop cause he was dead.

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Make hurtful and upsetting remarks about her person.

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What do you get when you put the head of a lion on the body of an eagle?2 dead animals and a fine for killing protected species.

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Q) what happens when you tackle someone with 2 legs? A) you fall over

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Roses are red, Violets are blue.

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What Do Yu Call 2 gay guys? Tyquan And Dnautica

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'Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains' Doctor prescribes antipsychotics.

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything is black, I am blind.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw 'em.

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What happens when you throw a midget off of a tall building? It dies and the people below get midget on them

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Dear Reader I am writing to express my complete and utter disdain toward the subject of your face. Rarely have I to witness such a repugnant sight. I would like to inform you that, upon most regrettably witnessing your face, my delicate stomach muscles gave way, and my morning meal, of lightly buttered Kipper and freshly squeezed orange juice most unfortunately ended up in one of the seventeen human waste disposal outlets to adorn my manor house. I struggle to comprehend how you, being such a selfish sadist, are able to live with yourself, knowing how much dismay you have caused me. Might I suggest that you pay a visit to a prosthetic plastic surgeon, in order to prevent other innocent's to suffer as did I. I request politely, but please be firmly assured in the knowledge that I will complain to the magnificent force of the police should you not comply with my reasonable request. Your face simply can not be allowed to exist in it's current form. I would go so far to say that it may be a danger to the elder's of our society, with their regrettably weak hearts.

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Why did the turtle fall out of the car? It forgot to buckle up

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Q. Whats green jumps up and down and then red? A.A frog in a mixer

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What did the Pedophile say to the small girl? I have served my sentence and been successfully rehabilitated. Please continue playing out in public without fear of being sexually assaulted.

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What do you call a black man with a gun? A police officer.

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A planes crashes on the US-Canada border. The survivors are promptly taken to a hospital nearby to be treated for their injuries.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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