What was the last song those aboard the Titanic sang? "Staying alive"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Little Miss Muffett sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey along came her food allergies and she died

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Breaydn Simmons walked into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: What do you call a fly with no wings. A: Dying.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's sad about four black people in a Cadillac driving off a cliff? Jerome never wanted it to end like this. James, his best friend, was drunk... Again. That was just the way he was. He got wasted, did something stupid, apologized, and then did it again. But this time, there would be no next time. They were supposed to be going to their graduation party, but instead, James fell asleep at the wheel. The cliff was rapidly approaching, and the doors were locked. All Jerome could do now was pray. Also, the Cadillac costed a lot.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A man walks into a bar He wakes up from his coma 21 years later and learns that humans now serve pumpkins as gods.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

I got shot once it hurt a lot

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Q:what do you call someone who spends 7 hours a day playing video games? A: Someone who takes pride and joy from gaming

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What did the kitty say when it's owner called him over? Nothing. It's owner killed him.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A tiger walks into bar. He orders a drink and leaves. The tiger's name was Tony the tiger," It was just a man wearing a costume for the cereal company.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the elephant say to the poacher? Answer: Dear God in heaven, please don't kill me for my ivory.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Man 1: Ask me if im a flower Man 2: "are you a flower?" Man 1: if i was a flower do you think i could talk? man 1 was wondering why man 2 was so uneducated

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q: How do mentally retarted people read books A: They dont

thumb_up thumb_down -1

The Princess is in another castle

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Josh Brown loved coressing his mums doodle at night.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why was the chubby bird that you were staring at you angry. Because you were looking at him.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did Ashley run out of juice in her house? Because she drank it all!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, he can't come anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the chicken cross the road? ... it wanted to cross the road.

thumb_up thumb_down

My Mom was strutting down the runway. Then she got trampled by a plane.

thumb_up thumb_down

A man walked into a bar, was surprised to find his wife with another man, and had a heart attack.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

OK, so there's this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She's cruisin' about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her on his ass, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a wave and she waves back. Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his ass, and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road. The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it. The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, she is rolling around on the street laughing hysterically. He asks her, "Why are you laughing? I just beat the crap out of your car!!" She is laughing too hard to respond, but between giggles he can make out, "While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle."

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just the 1, Blondes aren't any dumber than anyone else. It's a myth.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half of a worm in your apple. What's worse than finding half of a worm in your apple? Getting aids from that apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops