A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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A black guy and a mexican guy are falling from a building. Which one hits the ground first? Who cares

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Today I went to the grocery store. I purchased milk, eggs, orange juice, and my favorite breakfast cereal for $18.73. I subsequently got into my sedan and drove home.

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What is the difference between your mom and a vacuum? The vacuum does not use your mom to clean the floor since it is an inanimate object and can not control people.

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a blond walks in to a post... OUCH

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You're welcome. On to the next house.

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The doctor told a man he had aids. He told his friends he had AIDS so his friends wouldn't sleep with his wife after he died.

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How do you divide 2574 by 23.5 WIth a calculator

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Wendy went for a walk every day in the forest. Why not today? She was shot yesterday

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Why don't dinosaurs talk anymore? Because they're all dead, duh. :P

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Man: I'm just popping out to get cigarettes (He never returns.)

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whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and the holocaust? A pile of dead babies isn't funny

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Why is evan a lil poop? cause he pooped my poop all the pooping ;)

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Women's Rights

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Donald trump walks into the whitehouse. He's there for a business meeting with the new president.

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The world ends and everyone dies exept for a laywer

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What do you call a dragon with no wings? A komodo dragon

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What do you call a black guy who wins a race? A winner

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Why did the man with no arms fall of his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him

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goats are like mushrooms, if you shoot a duck, im scared of toasters

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why did the black guy where orange shoes? Because he likes orange.

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what did the man with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? cancer.

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A woman walks into a bar.

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I fantasize about having sex with a moose

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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