Why doesnt mexico have an olympic team? Because all the mesicans that can run, jump, and swim are already in the U.S.

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If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? -Allergies.

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How many penguins does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Penguins cannot screw in lightbulbs because they have wings instead of fingers or opposable thumbs, as humans do.

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A fat man walks into a bar. There is a 70% chance his mom is fat.

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Due to the wildlife conservation program prevalent in the neighborhood, the chicken was able to cross the road safely.

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What does a sailboad and a walrus have in common? Nothing.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Cow that recognizes normal social cues and politely waits for its turn to speak. Cow that recognizes normal social cues and politely waits for its turn to speak who? Moo.

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How do you make an idiot laugh? Tell him a mildly funny joke relating to bodily functions, such as defecating or passing gas.

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A mercenary was sent from the US to kill a terrorist leader. He was captured by the terrorists but wouldn't give away any information. They beat him, shocked him, cut him, and punched him in a dark room with a light beaming right down on him like a spotlight. It was a grueling five long days until they said "We know you have the information we want, tell us or you will die!" The mercenary sat in silence. They took out a gun and pointed it to his head. The mercenary then broke down and told the terrorists the information they wanted to hear. The terrorists then shot him to death.

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Q: What does a giraffe say to the other giraffes? A: Nothing, giraffes do not have vocal cords and are therefore unable to make any sounds, much less speak; not to mention a giraffes brain is far to underdeveloped to talk in a spoken language.

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Have you ever seen Hellen Keller's house? Well it was really nice.

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what has wings, bald but doesn't fly? a bald eagle... i lied at the flying part because i'm a f*cking lier from hell watching porn all day with my brother...

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Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? You did?! Oh . . .

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There once was a man from Nantucket who had an affinity for wicker furniture.

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Why Was Did Jill Cross The Road? She Needed To Get To Work.

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So you're flying around in your bathtub, how pancakes to shingle a doghouse? Airhockey, because pizza bagels can't cry.

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Why did the weird, creepy old man in the beat up van give ice cream to the little girl? Because his company went bankrupt and as part of a court order, he was thereby forced to give away the remaining contents of his inventory to those who seeked it.

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one.

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Why did the man complain of pain in his ankle? Because several consecutive tissue samples of the area revealed a rapidly metastasizing neoplasm. Blood samples indicated the presence of what appeared to be Hodgkins Lymphoma. The man was very wealthy, however, and had world class doctors treat him. He then donated a vast portion of his wealth to research. 12% of the donated money went into studying the medicinal effects of Twinkies.

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A cat jumped into a swimming pool It drowned and was cremated.

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what do you call cheese that is not yours? stolen property

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Why did the girl throw butter out the window? She was suffering from an epileptic seizure.

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A sphere rolls around the corner and falls over.

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A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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