Go away.

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What did the pilot say to the female flight attendant? He told her to never tell his wife about the time they spent in mexico or he'd bludgeon her to death with a hammer.

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How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? As many as it takes.

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What was the strangest part about meeting a girl called Suzie? She had arms.

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How would a camel lick its own tongue It doesn't It actually gets karate chopped by Bob Sager.

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My lady, that is the backside of trust, I have decided to trust you, how am I supposed to feel about the fact that I believe to the point where I know that you mean everything you are saying? And that if you had any interest in backstabbing me, I would be risking my life, wife and friends. Do you not get trust? If you keep thinking like that, tomorrow you could be suspecting the mailman for being a spy, I can, and could tell you that I will cut ties with my employees, but then I would have you not only to believe me, but to support me financially, I do not need much, in fact, I need you to trust me, and if you do not trust me, what does it matter if I quit? You could accuse me for typing books that alter the mind (all books do), you could accuse me of having killed Nero and taken over... The point is, if you cannot trust me, then I cannot help you with what you ask, and if that is a requirement for our friendship to persist, then you are not looking for a friend, but for a employee.

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A man walks into a bar. [Insert punchline here.]

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how do you get a happy man to stop smiling? hit him in the face repeatedly untill he is dead.

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What did the cat say to the dog? Nothing. Cats can't talk.

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Q. Why did the boy fall off the swing? A. He had no arms or legs. Q. What did he get for Christmas? A. A drumset Q. Knock Knock Who's there Not him

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what's the difference between dodo and doodoo doodoo is still around for you to see

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what do a plum and a rabbit have in common? there both purple except for the rabbit

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Knock knock who's thare Your mom She's dead you bitch

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How do you make a little boy get off a swing? You are an adult and perhaps it is inappropriate for you to be on a swing, especially when it is already occupied by a child of the right age.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Suzie.

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What do you call a man in front of three trains that have explosives tied to them and that are making amazingly loud noises? An idiot who obviously can't identify danger and probably had a childhood injury that cause his life to be ruined forever most likely cause by an evil uncle.

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A man has aids. He has plenty of sexual partners and they all contract the disease.

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Where does Charlie Sheen Shop? Winners

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Why does a squid have 8 legs? It doesn't, it has 8 tentacles!

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Republicans

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Animal cruelty

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3021 North Broadway Avenue

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What's the difference between jam and jelly? Jam is slightly more viscous and may contain bits of fruit.

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Whats worse than the Holocaust. A worm in your apple.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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