If Jimmy has 60 candy bars and eats 50 of them, what does he have? Diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do a jew and a black have in common? God hates both of them

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Q. How many trees does it take to change a light bulb? A. Trees can't change light bulbs.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Get a life besides thumbing down statements telling you advice.........

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When life throws you lemons, duck because they freakin' hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you call a lump on your penis? STD

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the homeless man get for christmas eve? Hypothermia. What did the children get for christmas day? A traumatic experience when they tripped over his snow-covered corpse.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's an obscure number you've probably never heard of.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Roses are red, Violets are blue, come at me again and I'll punch you

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Did you hear about the kid napping? They found his body in a ditch.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Two business men, a priest and three boys are on a plane which is going down. There are only three parachutes. One business man says that they should allow the children to have the parachutes as they have long lives ahead of them. The other business man says screw the children. The priest looks up at the second business man. After a short but heated argument they all agree to let the children have the parachutes. The three children then proceed to jump out of the plane with the parachutes. The two business men and the priest watch as they descend upon the earth. The plane then crashes into a mountain, killing the business men and the priest. Once the boys were safely on land they went back to their daily lives in their individual homes. Turns out a serial killer had escaped from prison, all three children were found dead the next morning, the cause of death of course being that each had contracted some form of a sexually transmitted disease from the priest.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

a guy gets knocked out and wakes up in a alley all bloody and a knife next to him!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

my great great grandpa ryan the rattlesnake had a cat named dog-

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Your momma's so dumb she graduated high school with a C average.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's worse than getting stabbed? Getting stabbed twice. What's worse than getting stabbed twice? Getting stabbed three times. What's worse than gettin..... Why does it matter?!?!?! U should be dead by then!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why didn't Little Timmy's parrot talk? It's neck had snapped.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

want to hear a dirty joke tommy fell in the mud a clean joke he took a bath with bubbles bubbles was his neighbor

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the rapist say when he spotted the young girl? I am going to rape you!

thumb_up thumb_down -29

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman crashed onto a desert island... The Englishman swiftly used his satellite phone to broadcast their location and they were taken home to their worried families.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the girl talk to her computer? Because she was Skyping with some faraway friends. Why were her friends far away? She was sent to the moon. Why was she sent to the moon? Because she tried to create eternal night.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

The bartender asks "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's the difference between Jews, Muslims & Christians? Religious beliefs.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

How did Bill Framex die? He didn't because he isn't real.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

roses are red violets are blue most poems rhyme but this one doesnt

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops