How many dead babies can you fit in a sink? I don't know i forgot to turn the garbage disposal off

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Q: Whats the difference between a watermelon and a infants head? A: One is fun to beat a with a hammer, and the other is the infants head.

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Why do women wear perfume and makeup? They smell bad and they're ugly.

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Q. What do humans and jelly beans have in common ? A. Nothing.

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Why was the boy kissing up to his parents? He only wanted them to say "I love you" for once.

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TURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPSTURNIPS

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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what is an antijoke? a type of comedy in which the joke ends in an antivlimax that it is funny in its own right GDS*

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cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer

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Jim came home from work. only to find out his family had been murdered

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When adolf hitler went to the chippy, He ordered a bock wurst. Later, he ate the whole thing and said he wants another.

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Yo momma so ugly, except she's not. She's looking beautiful today.

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Ahem. Testicles. That is all.

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What's worse than accidentally biting your tongue? Hitler accidentally biting your tongue.

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What did Sally get for Christmas? AIDS

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The african american male looked into his refridgerator hoping to have some orange juice to drink with his breakfast. All he had was Kool-Aid. He then proceeded to drink the Kool-Aid.

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How did the boy die? Because he got molested and raped by a pedophile!

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Justin Bieber is having sex with a girl. He then awakes from this horrible nightmare.

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My Joke Is The Persons Below Me I I V

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a horse is running across a cliff at 54 miles per hour, against the wind. he has been running for three hours. he needs to run for 347 more kilometers before he is tired. the wind is blowing at a speed of 10 miles per hour... he wonders if he will make it when suddenly he falls off the cliff. why did he fall of the cliff? it was a retarded horse.

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Person 1: Knock knock. Person 2: Come in.

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Q.sam is 18 years old, why can't she get her licence? A.because Sam is a lost dog on the street

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A woman who lived alone with her parrot left her apartment to run to the store, forgetting that a plumber was scheduled to come and fix her sink. A few minutes later, the plumber arrived and knocked on the door. The parrot inside called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, "it's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waited for a bit and, seeing that nobody was coming to the door, knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, a little more loudly, "it's the plumber! I've come to fix the sink!" Again the plumber waited. After a few more minutes, he knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber yelled, as loudly as he could, "IT'S THE PLUMBER! I'VE COME TO FIX THE SINK!" Still, nobody came to the door. The plumber banged the door repeatedly, The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screamed "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIIINK!!!" and then, consumed with rage, clutched his chest and fell over dead from a stress-induced heart attack. A few minutes later, the woman returned home and, while opening her door, noticed the plumber lying dead in her hallway. She looked at her parrot and asked, "Who is it?" The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?"

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Roses are red, violets are blue, the face like yours belongs to the zoo. Please don't be sad, 'cos I'll be there too.. Not in the cage but laughing at you!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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