There were three hungry cows in a barn. One day, one of them finds a stick of butter on the ground, and notifies the other cows of his findings. Since the barn was ran like a democracy, the cows decided via 2/3 vote that the winner of the stick of butter should be decided by a checkers tournament. The problem is that there is no good way to run a checkers tournament with three cows because checkers is a one-on-one game. The first cow suggests trying to find another cow to join in so that they could have a bracket-style tournament, but there were only three cows that lived in the barn. The second cow suggests a round-robin style tournament. The third cow informs the second cow that there is a possibility of a tie because each cow can finish with one win and one loss among the two games in a round-robin tournament. The first cow suggests that the round-robin process can be repeated until there is a winner. This joint suggestion was approved by 2/3 vote by the cows. Finally the checkers tournament begins. The first cow says to the second cow, "you butter not beat me at checkers!"

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I learned a new party trick over the weekend; I swallow a piece of string and it comes out my other end tied! I shit you knot.

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Why do you put a baby in the blender but first? To see the facial expressions

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Knock knock? Who's there? Madeline i am back!! :D

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When Jesus came back from the dead the first thing he said was "It was just a prank bro!"

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A englishmen an irishmen and a ginger walk off a bridge gingers have no souls

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What do you call Justin Bieber having sex with a women? Sex.

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-What's brown and rhymes with snoop? -Dr. Dre

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What did the man get when he found a genie in a lamp? The rest of his life in an asylum for schizophrenia.

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Women

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Yo mama is so fat that: it is ruining her self esteem and she worries about her health.

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My dog has no nose, so how does it smell? It can't, I just told you it has no nose.

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What do you call a black Arnold Schwarzenegger? Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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What do you call a jew with no money It doesn't really matter because all jews have money

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How do you know a dude is dead? He doesn't breath, he has no color in the face and his heart has stoped.

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If you say gullible over and over again, it sounds like stupidity.

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What's black and white and red all over? The newspaper classified section after a man has abandoned long, futile job hunt. He has crossed out all the potential jobs with red ink. He was laid off due to the downturn in the economy and will now have to get food stamps, which is very embarrassing for a man who has worked to support his family his entire life.

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Why did the man go to the restaurant? Because he wanted to get some food.

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Whats the difference between a dead baby and an orange? One is a tasty treat you can peal and enjoy and the other is an orange

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When life gives you melons, you know you're dyslexic.

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What's the difference between me and you? Dr. Dre

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nice shorts.

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A bar walks into your mother.

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What happens when you mix 3 pounds of baking soda, 2 dozen cans of Mr. Pibb cola, and a live tortoise? It makes a terrible mess and your wife gets upset at you for getting the house so dirty. She refuses to clean it up.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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