How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They gave here a timeout, like any other sensible parent would.

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How do you keep an extraordinary magician from performing his show? Replace his shampoo with battery acid

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What do you call a Mexican with a Green Card? A hard working American Citizen

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What do you call a person with no legs, no arms, no eyes, and no heart? Well he'd be dead wouldn't he?

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Justin Bieber

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what happened to the polish man that was running late for work he got their late apparantly

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there where 3 guys at a magic pool. if you jump in and say anything it appears in the pool. the first guy runs, jumps and says money!! he gets a bunch of money. the second guy runs, jumps and says gold!! he gets a bunch of gold. the third guy runs, slips says SHIT!!!! and lands in the pool.

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a man walks into a bar..... the man pulls out a gun and robs the place as he is exiting he bumps into a child the child falls in the street and is crushed by a bus. the bus in an attempt to avoid the child swerves and hits a maternity clinic next to a gas station that promptly explodes. the robber so distraught he trys to shoot himself but the gun misfired and the man was arrested and was raped repeatedly in prison...he now has aids...

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What did the man say when he dropped an apple on his foot? That might have caused some minor discomfort had I not been wearing shoes.

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Why did the man have cold feet on his wedding day? The wedding was outside in the winter.

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whats the oposite from anti-jokes? uncle-jokes. LOL

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What's black, white, and red all over? A white man's bleeding cancerous tumor.

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Yo Mama is so ugly she wears a mask on halloween

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How do you make a professional wrestler cry? You could stab him repeatedly with a box cutter and demand his social security number, but I wouldn't suggest it. He would most likely beat you up.

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Q: I am an over-protective father looking for my son who was kidnapped and am suddenly traveling with a mentally retarded woman who cant remember her name. By the way my wife was murdered and my son has physical disorder. Then, im hooked up with a hippy who doesnt care about anything. Who am I? A: Marlin the clownfish (from Finding Nemo).

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Knock, knock. You do realize you can actually physically knock on the door instead of just imitating the sound effect with your mouth, right? It's actually way more effective that way. Just saying, since it's raining outside and you're cold and want to come in...

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What's naughty and rhymes with CORN? Naughty corn.

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name-Sally-Sue What I am good at in school: readin' annnd...math. What I need to work on in school: spelin

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How can you tell you're in a childrens' ambulance from the inside? From the clown patterned body bags.

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A Muslim blows up a bar

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A white guy, a mexican, and a black guy are in a race. Who always wins? Whichever one crosses the finish line first

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Q: Why happened to the dead whale? A: It was shot by Asian pochures.

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What comes after 69? Mouthwash

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A man asked another man what he was doing the next day. The man then proceeded to tell him that he had not intended on having any plans due to the fact that he was planning on killing himself within the next twenty three hours.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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