Josh, this is your mother. I was wondering if you wanted me to bring my lube and strapon to bed tonight. Wait never mind about the strapon because i have my dick to use.

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if a tree falls in A Forest, would Robert Smith hear?

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What did the pregnant 16 year old get for her birthday? A miscarriage

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What happened to the man who had the most loving parents and family when he was born, had an amazing childhood which he shared with so many good friends, was loved everywhere, helped the poor, started a fundraiser for starving kids in africa, got a college education, helped a complete stranger get off his drug addiction, married a beautiful woman, bought a nice house and had 3 children who he loved dearly and spent time with as much as he possibly could, tucked them in every night and enjoyed every second of his life as if it was his last? He died.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police. Open up.

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a naked man walks into a bar. he is promptly escorted out because you must have shoes and a shirt to be served

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Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Oh wait I shouldn't tell you, it's too long

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A man is wrongfully convicted of murder and sent to prison. After a lengthy appeals process the guilty verdict is overturned and he walks away a free man.

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What's more absurd than a goldfish astronaut? A jew that cares about palestinians

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What did the doctor say to his patient? You have 2 weeks to live.

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Q: What present did the Taliban's wife get on the islamic holiday A: a beating

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You walk into a plane full of Arabs talking about how much they hate America. You arrive at your destination enlightened about the problems in American society.

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How does an asian man drive? He hops into the car, turns the ignition, slowly accelerates from his parking spot and merges into everyday traffic

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One day, 2 people were gonna fight after school and then the final bell rung. The fight began and the challenger says, "Hey whats the one thing you say when you don't want to fight anymore and you let the other person win?" The other guy says to the challanger, "I give up?" Then the challenger yells. "I WIN!"

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 had two penises.

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A man walks into the bar and orders a drink. This is what you do in a bar.

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Knock knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness

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A leper sees that a woman has dropped a bag of groceries on the sidewalk. "Hey ma'am, can I give you a HAND?" asks the leper. "No thank you, sir. I can manage." replies the woman. "That's a relief," laughs the leper, shyly. "I am quite weak due to leprocy."

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Where did Tommy go after the bomb went off? Everywhere

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Yo mama so short she often has to ask you to retrieve items from the top shelf of her cabinet.

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how do you save a car from falling out of an airplane? I don't know.

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What do you call a cat with 1 eye, 4 legs, and its tongue out? Road kill.

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what did the boy say when his friend was having a panic attack? "don't panic!" rather earnestly in the hope that his friend's breathing returned to normal as panic attacks can be very uncomfortable and place too great a strain upon the cardio and respiratory functions.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was convicted of murder and rape

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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