There is no "I" in "TEAM" However, there is a "T" an "E" an "A" and an "M"

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Never again, I have all the intel I need on you, you cost me a fucking eye, you think I would let go of that so easily? It hurts day and night, I have not slept in days, my fucking eyelid is torn right off, and while I use a fucking excuse for an eyepatch, I still have not gotten used to sleep without being able to shut both my eyes, I have a constant fever, you miss me, you are directly responsible for scaring my wife and fucking over my face. Deal with it, cry harder asshole. Moral: You step on my foot, I break off yours, you cost me an eye, you do not know whats waiting in line for you, I am going to make you beg me to let you die! Did you think I would warm up as quickly to something as irresponsible as you? And we do not know yet if you did this on purpose, we do not even live in the same fucking country, and I get assholes assaulting me again! What the hell have you done? If my wife had been here I would have been dead! Moral: I hope you got pets, I will skin them alive in front of your face!

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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John lazzaro likes dick

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i have no friends actually now i fell bad ... anybody spare money for the bus ahhhhhhh kill me now

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Whats wrong with me? Your alive.

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What would Jesus say if he was alive today? “Nehwê tzevjânach aikâna d'bwaschmâja af b'arha.”

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Knock knock? Who's There? I AMMM!!! (thumb this down please xD)

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What do you call a discrase of a living enviorment? African huts there so muddy

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What dinosaur makes honey? The Bee Rex.

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Once upon a time, in a magical kingdom, there were too many similar jokes on anti-joke.com. One man thought he could be funny by writing a joke that referenced this, and be even funnier by referencing what he was referencing. Then he referenced that, then that, and so on until the layers of meta caused his brain to explode. Some of it landed in your mother's vagina.

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A Johnson walks into a hole. Why am I in this hole? Because rape is not an option.

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What's the difference between a bowl of chili and a urologist? One's hot n' spicy and the other analyzes urine. -Emo Phillips

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, floating in the ocean? A victim of the increasingly violent Mexican drug cartels.

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Three blokes walk into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

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what did the chickpea say to the raison when he got called big but? Atleast i dont have a stick up my but.

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How old was the baby when it took its first steps? That question is impossible to answer due to the fact the parents had an abortion and the fetus remained unborn.

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What was the only reason a ginger ever won in a fight? It was against a Dementor.

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What's long and hard and full of semen? An erect penis at the climax of an orgasm.

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what's worse than a dead baby in the bathtub? if the baby was named Grace.

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why do german shower have eleven holes? jews have 10 fingers

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Now that we got our colors straight. Hey, how ya doin?

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whats worse than a chicken crossing the road 10 dead babies in a bucket

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? Two in the front, three in the back, and 278 in the ash tray/\.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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