What does a dog in a microwave look like? You tell me, I normally close my eyes when I masturbate ?_?

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Person 1: knock knock Person 2: Who's there? Person 1: nobody Person 2: nobody who? Person 1: ............

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The funniest thing happened in my dream last night, i dreamed that banks would stop ripping people off and start treating people like humans. How wierd is that :D

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I just shot up a plaground Now Im heading to an orphanage

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What did the orange say to the lemon? We are both alike but a differnt color

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A man walks into a bar. On impact, he suffers quite the blow to his head, resulting in him falling unconscious. He is escorted to the hospital, where he is pronounced in a coma on arrival. His family is left devastated. His wife, who was a stay-at-home mother to their 2 children doesn't take this news very well and is sent into a spiraling depression. 16 years later, the man finally wakes from his coma to find that his son and daughter that he had left behind where now grown teenagers and almost done with high school, his wife's has remarried and given birth to his half-child. This is why you don't text while walking down a sidewalk.

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Four blonds are driving to Disney World when they come across a sign that says Disney World left, so they proceed to make a left at the next stop and have a wonderful time in what many people consider the most wonderful place in the world.

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What do you call a person who walks but doesn't run? A power walker What do you call a person who runs but doesn't walk? Someone running to the nearest bathroom holding there crotch.

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Why does Santa Claus drink so much hot Cocoa? Because Mrs. Claus got tired of his constant drunkenness and won't allow beer in the house in the house anymore.

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roses are red ur face is too and if u r hot my penis is going in u

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Why did the man stop dead in his tracks? He was on top of a land mine.

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How do you get a blonde's number? You ask her, but she probably won't give it to a loser like you.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I suck at poetry Show me your tits

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Why did the person name her OC telephone? I have no idea, please let me know why.

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How do you kill batman? you stab him through the heart

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How do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open it up and stick him in. How do you put a giraffe in a fridge? Take out the elephant and put in the giraffe.

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"Do you like pie?" "No." "Do you like blueberries?" "No." "I have something you won't like." "Is it a blueberry pie?" "No, I shagged your wife last night".

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Jack wasn't nimble. Jack wasn't quick. Jack sat on the candle and burned his corduroys.

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did you hear about the circus fire? it was tragic and hundreds of people were killed.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was a serial-rapist with links to the Black Dragon triad. Yee.

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Three Black men smash windows to enter a house. They're firemen and are rescuing a young child...

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Why couldnt the man buy food? Because.

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Q:What happens when you mix Justin Bieber with a women? A: Well, since is a very highly impossible circumstance, I have no need to give a name for this.

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guess what? WHAT? Idk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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